Musings of a Pseudo-Pagan

Random Things Sorta Tied Together

2012-01-10T17:55:00.000-08:00

I've been pretty quiet lately, I'm notgoing to lie. I've had a slew of things to do which included: life,playing shopkeep, a bit of research and writing, and then a personallife to manage (egads! I have one of those). So this post will be abit of a hodge podge just to keep everyone abreast.

PLUGGERY: Well, looking at everythingI want to plug makes me realize I need a webpage. In the meantime,check out my Facebook page, my Twitter, and Diaspora (I don't thinkthey have a way to link to that. Either that or I'm not looking atthe right spot). I also have a little etsy store that sells things.

ANCIENT EGYPTIAN RELIGION INFO:Speaking of the necessity of resources, I haven't devoted much of myblog to dispersing what info I find on the Ancient Egyptian religionas I'd hoped. While my writings and research are literallyeverywhere right now (if you could see the strewn notebooks andpapers!) I do have some things I share. I just need to find them...

WRITINGS: I have a few projects handy. One of them will become a YouTube series about the Neo-Pagan'sfavorite archenemy: the white-lighter. Don't worry, every group issubject to ridicule (I even do a decent job of ripping myself a newone...because I'm my own group or something...) I have a few otherthings I need to write as well, but the YouTube project is the oneI'm most excited about.

That's pretty much it for my tidbits. I'll hopefully be a little more regular in my postings.

My Checklists: Channelers

2011-12-05T16:14:00.000-08:00

A while back I mentioned how I stepped away from the New Age community for an undisclosed period of time. I've come to the realization that in my area the New Age and Pagan communities tend to overlap, and if I avoid one I will avoid the other. After a bit of consideration on my part I've decided I can't avoid it any further. I'm going to slowly re-enter those communities.

As I try to dip my toes back into the New Age community I realize I don't want to make the same mistakes as last time. I do acknowledge that the best way to avoid repeating mistakes is to run far away from people spouting grandiose claims, but I also acknowledge many people do channel and feel it's their duty to share their channelings. I have a very strong sense of skepticism when it comes to channelings (even prior to my Buddha killing spree), but I also like to listen to what people say. I decided to look up how one discerns a channeling from someone's ego. I was delighted to find that many websites tackled this issue, which shows me this issue is a fairly common one.

I found a couple sites in particular that I felt were incredibly useful. One blogger cited an old article that has some useful guidelines, and this one is a channeler who wrote the article seemingly for other channelers (though honestly I feel it applies to both channelers and those listening to them). I feel I have a stronger idea of how a channeling should work. These sites in particular helped me find some commonalities to form a checklist. I've also added a few of my own based on my experiences. In all honesty my checklist will most likely change over time, but I feel this will provide a strong foundation for future revisions. I also feel it's best to make a few checklists for other aspects so I can learn to identify the other blatant issues that led to my brief departure.

Here is my personal checklist for how I'll determine a channeling from an ego projection. I've made a point to use some of my experiences as examples so there's a frame of reference for the point:

1. My intuition. There have been many times with my Buddhas where something “just felt off”. In retrospect what I said during those times should have been said the moment I had that feeling. I would not have ever felt it necessary to slay those Buddhas had I acted on my intuition then.

2. Are the channelings about “doom and gloom”? While I'm sure every so often a catastrophic event is channeled, I had one Buddha constantly channeling some prediction of a catastrophic event. Said Buddha was always under attack or tied to some world event. Even though I kept quiet about my doubts of sanity, I see now this is really just a way to garner attention and keep people in a state where they rely on the channeler. Either way it was very draining emotionally, psychically, psychologically, and sometimes even physically. I know I felt like I was losing my sanity whenever the Buddha started channeling.

3. Is the message empowering, or is it berating? How? This sounds silly to ask, but it's an important point to make. The same Buddha who channeled catastrophes also made it a point to channel Ascended Masters who had nothing better to do than abate my self-esteem. One “Master” even went so far as to use my natal astrology chart to justify their low esteem of me! If an individual can't grow spiritually from a message, it's not empowering. However, the fact the “Masters” had so much time to devote to me is another point on my checklist...

4. Is the message an exclusive one? Most of the channelings I've witnessed were meant for just me. Based on what I've read, any higher being wants all of humanity to spiritually grow so they don't bother with the VIP treatment. What a higher being says will apply to everyone. Anyone who does otherwise is most likely trying to appeal to your ego so theirs will be stroked in return. If they charge for this private opportunity it's also noteworthy for the same reason.

5. Grandiose claims are made by the channeler. Sadly I've experienced this one more times than what I'd like to admit. These are the people who claim to be the exclusive vessel for some higher being. The claim of being “the chosen one” usually goes hand-in-hand with catastrophic channelings meant for a select few. Any time I witness such claims in the future, especially from someone in a leadership position, I'm fleeing without question. If nothing else it's a textbook sign of a personality cult.

6. Can the channeler undergo scrutiny? Admittedly no one likes to feel they've been mislead or attributed to anything unsavory. It takes a lot of pride swallowing to accept something may be ego-driven and nothing more. If, however, someone questions the channeler and is met with only derision and or defensiveness then take it as a sign that what you hear is just a projection of the ego. When I asked one Buddha to not send channeling messages to me any further the Buddha started “channeling” under another “Master” with the same derisive message as before, only this time it was to a group. I cut them out of my life.

7. How do the beings respond to questions and statements? This one admittedly is probably a rehash of the previous point but it is more surefire in determining the willingness to undergo scrutiny. I've always felt there are some questions that higher beings shouldn't dignify with an answer nor answer continuous questions. When I started to really question who the Buddha with catastrophes was channeling, the Master had no qualms about answering question after question, regardless of how absurd it seemed. If the being is willing to do either, take heed.

8. Is there an agenda? If there appears to be some motive or end the higher being keeps pressing it most likely isn't from a higher being. This also harkens back to putting emphasis on dependence or attention on the channeler. If the higher being pushes for anything that would make a person dependent on the channeler it isn't healthy.

9. Does this seem consistent with the Ascended Master's or higher beings' other messages? When I started to receive exclusive channelings from an Ascended Master disparaging me about my alleged dependence on people I felt something was off. Looking up the particular Ascended Master I discovered it was one associated with wisdom and generally emphasized wisdom in spiritual growth. Having read the channelings of others I was able to see how inconsistent the one I received was; not once did my reading mention wisdom in any fashion. I did recall, however, how the channeler mentioned in the past they thought I was too dependent on others. I guess in a way I grew spiritually wiser...

10. When are you informed by the channeler they are channeling? More often than not many of the “channelers” told me they channeled something after I wasn't receptive to their opinion. It was as if I was supposed to change my mind about whatever they told me once I learned it was something from beyond.

11. How often does he or she channel? If the person is suddenly channeling during every conversation you have take note. One channeler made a point to channel not during some random moment or for some time set aside for channeling, but during light conversation. While I'm sure this can happen from time to time (and have seen such), this channeler couldn't seem to carry on a conversation without channeling something at some point. If they seem to channel constantly during inappropriate time, take note again because it may be another way to bring focus to the channeler rather than the channeling.

I'm certain that I haven't covered all my bases, but I'm laying out the groundwork for now and so I won't shut someone out due to my bias. If you feel there are others you'd like to add don't hesitate to share them in the comments.

Permission to Be Pagan

2011-11-19T01:52:00.000-08:00

As of late I've found myself isolating, observing, and meditating. These aren't necessarily a part of a massive and orderly fashion as much as the product of one action, namely isolating. I've looked at much of the tired “Battle for Christmas” diatribe that starts this time of the year and some of the other attempts at mandating religion in the United States. I assure you, as a Pagan I have much to say.

One thing in particular is I don't care about whose winter holiday it happens to be. Every religion has a winter holiday; each faith should celebrate their respective holiday and be done with it. However, I know this can't be done except on a personal level. I'm not throwing mud, it's just human nature to assert oneself. It isn't also without its problems. I don't have enough fingers and toes to recount how many times I said I'd pray to Het-Hert for someone who got offended, but said person was willing to pray over me in kind to their god in the first place. I can't speak for every Pagan, but I can see why the issue rubs Pagans raw around this time each year. We can't express our religion freely because people get offended, yet left and right we see laws meant to “assert religion” presented, or- like one person told me- my Kemetic faith was part of some scheme to destroy Christmas and Christians. While I can dismiss the “Christmas Cabal individual” it brings up a very disheartening point. Pagans have to ask permission to express their faith.

I'm going to repeat so it can sink in: Pagans have to ask permission to express their faith. I'm not even talking about asking for time off at work for a winter holiday. I'm talking about the person wearing a pentacle, a person who teaches their children about Ma'at to assist in proper conduct, or even get flack for not celebrating certain holidays. I have been harassed in the name of saving me from myself. My friends who wear a pentacle have been called “Satan's slut” in front of small children. Many of them can't even wear it openly at their job, but a cross doesn't even get a batted eyelash. We can't be Pagan unless it's a certain time and place.

If the various restrictions were applied across the board it wouldn't be an issue. In theory the United States is supposed to be secular in these things. We as citizens are even granted those rights as interpreted by the Supreme Court. That's the peculiar thing about reality and majority rule. Most people in the United States identify as Christian and they too are welcome to express their faith. Pagans are still a minority and aren't always represented, and we certainly don't make it an easy task even without opposition. It's why I encourage Pagans to be open where safely possible.

There's a point as Pagans we can't just assert ourselves during the winter or pride days. We must admit it means more than just a celebration; it's a religion, a living religion. We assert ourselves by no longer asking to be Pagan and live it. For me, that means to quit isolating. To be honest I'm probably as discrete about my faith as Sir Ian McKellen is about his homosexuality. I know it's because I'm that confident and know I won't face the business end of a gun. Heck, I still spout my opinion in a sea of blogs and have earned a few eye rolls for spouting my opinions and experiences (as ever oscillating as they can be). I just have to quit hiding from the world and remind it I'm still here, even as yet another know-it-all fluffy bunny. Even if the most Pagan living I do is to shout em hotep at someone I know it will mean something to at least myself. In that moment I know I'm not asking permission to be a Pagan.

There's also the other end of the problem: being the Pagan equivalent of a Bible thumper. The one who has to throw it into everyone's face. The one who convulses and foams at the mention of anything not Pagan. I think most of my readers know the type already, so I won't push it further. So where does one draw the line with asserting the Pagan identity while not infringing upon others? It's why I say “being Pagan”. Most Christians are Christian without cramming it down someone's throat. They know who they are, what they believe, and don't need to prove it. They don't need permission to believe, and neither does anyone.

The Transformation

2011-10-25T23:34:00.000-07:00

I've spent a lot of time devoted to my business lately. I fear I devoted so much of myself to it that I've neglected my blog more than usual. It's a shame since I enjoy writing it, regardless of the reason.

The part that has really eaten up much of my time is the self-promotion. I've had to bootstrap much of it in a way I find amusing. It's not so much the reference to certain 80's TV characters as much as reminiscing about my days as a music critic. Just like now, I relied on my self-promotion to get any sort of readers. It required me to place fliers at music venues (I reviewed only live bands), network, work with other people in the music landscape, and even develop a web presence. The last part was the most difficult at the time because back then you had to submit your site to search engines for consideration alone. Thankfully, much has changed since then, myself included.

I think what really stuck out was how I left. Those of you who haven't read the very failed blog challenge posts I retired as a music critic. It was spurred by a breakup combined with a sense of betrayal from the entire music scene. Around that time I received my acceptance letter for courses at the House of Netjer. I felt it signaled a time to do something I should have done a long time ago: tread my spiritual path with a bit more sincerity. I declared that four years ago, and I had a very bumpy path to follow. It humors me to look at it now, given that my pen name alluded to the number four and the implications with death. I suppose in a few metaphorical ways Death is still a constant companion.

Despite the struggles, losses, and tribulations there have been some incredible gains. The certifications I've gathered, the diplomas, and the life experiences all culminate into the person I am now. I know for certain there are many who think I'm worse off for it, but I know my thoughts and current bitterness aside it's just another growth spurt. In many ways I'm still that music critic who wrote her English essays between bands. Instead of writing about bands, I scribble down my contemplations about my spirituality and religious beliefs between various writing projects and playing shopkeep. I'm not moshing, but I bear a few bruises from slamming against life. My faith serves as a poultice and guides me through the pain. I only critique myself because that's who will face the scales with the feather of Ma'at. I'm even reaching a place where I can listen to punk and metal again.

I'm still looking at my ways of promoting myself on my notebook paper. The pen that once scribbled down notes about bands lays-capped-over atop the paper. It's a bit more dented now and definitely more scuffed. The ways I went about promoting myself then may still prove effective now, just with a different group. The group may have different values but they still share a common thread. I've also learned a bit more about human nature from those final, painful moments as a music critic. I've learned how they apply to any setting that requires interaction and how to differentiate between a common vision and a projected vision onto me. It's why the clarity of my vision of goals are integral. That vision includes occasionally peering into my past so I can spot things in my present cycle.

I will probably always be that music critic. However that doesn't mean I am currently living as a music critic; that part of my life has ended. Instead I'll apply those music critic attributes to my current life so I can grow and learn new skills and attributes.

New Blog Pluggery

2011-10-06T12:50:00.000-07:00

Many people who have regularly read my blog will know a couple of years ago I announced how I would open a store. I'm happy to say as of October 20^th that will be realized. I originally planned to simply conduct any business promotion and whatnot on this blog. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized plugging such things (including displays of craft projects) was unfair to my longtime readers. I feel this is a fair compromise, though I may plug something on this blog for my business from time to time.

The business blog can be found at: http://aegoddard.blogspot.com/

I encourage you to check it out, and I hope you will visit my store on opening day.

Buddha's Murder: A.E. Goddard, with Tarot Cards, in the Paradigm (Part 2)

2011-09-10T14:28:00.000-07:00

In my previous post I mentioned how I'm using Tarot to shift my paradigm. During these shifts I found Buddhas that I needed to slay, especially one in particular that constantly degraded me to forge me into one of many underlings. After realizing the type of jeopardy impending I began one of many ways of removing that energy. Now I have to deal with the aftermath...

My Buddha dying, his body heaved for air before me, and I had to sort out what to do next. I immediately shifted my paradigm to the Death card. I had found Buddha along my path, and though I had killed him I needed to dispose of the body. I removed myself from any ties, even so much as an online game, so as to remove their energy. I felt it wasn't enough, and with all the information I was gathering I still felt I didn't have the entire picture. The picture became more apparent when I discovered Buddha's e-mail to me, which was sent sometime between the ending of the friendship and removing any ties to this person. He messaged me to tell me how he couldn't allow people to “doubt his powers” and how I can't be in accordance with the Universe because of my life situation. Obviously, Buddha has decided to become a prince again and needed the material wealth. As a prince, no wealth or “prosperity” could rescue him. My Buddha let out a death rattle.

I needed to let the dead Buddha putrefy to find what I needed to learn from it. One thing I've realized is while I have felt weak for a long time I am very strong-willed. Where others in this circle are willing to appease this individual in the name of belonging I'm willing to belong without having to appease (note, however, how that doesn't mean to ignore manners). It also showed me that if I'm going to relate to the communities where I found familiarity I would have to try a new approach. Obviously the methods of meeting people both offline and online weren't working out in my favor. The pattern revolved around either fruitless outreaches or encountering a Buddha. The aforementioned Buddha isn't the only Buddha I've encountered on my path, if you remember. Maybe, I thought, it was time to re-evaluate my priorities and motives for searching for community. It was time to look at why I truly wanted a community. My Buddha, rotting before me, revealed a little bit of its internal organs. It was also time to look at why I kept finding the people I did.

Cue the Temperance card. Many people feel this card alludes to a need for restraint. While this holds some truth temperance has a much older definition, namely the act of beating or heating something to make the substance stronger. It was time to evaluate a lot of things in my life in order to make them stronger. That meant, on a personal level, I had to examine why I'm compelled to seek out groups. Was it solely out of a desire to fulfill my need to belong? Was I networking? Did I just think it was “the thing to do”? Honestly, I feel the reason fell under some combination thereof. If I wanted to feel like a member of a group that meant at some point I had to contribute in kind. If I was networking for my eventual business the need to contribute still applies. I watched the dead Buddha burn in the flames I set.

Around this time I recalled when I was still very new to the Pagan and New Age communities. Admittedly (although with no pride) I am innocent to the world in many ways. The person I was six years ago was even more innocent and elated to find such welcoming communities. I keep in contact with some even to this day and consider them family for taking the time and patience to be a spiritual navigator for me. I was drawn to the truthful manners, and while it's hurtful at times it is always with love and the desire to better people through it. Whenever something “harsh” has emerged it was followed with something constructive so I could assess and decide accordingly. I spoke with one of them after the recent events, compelled by my memories, to tell him all he's done for me and thanked him. It shocked him because he felt very lost at that time. Another member of my spiritual family, whom I've confided about my business venture, reminded me to examine my reasons for even starting this. It seems non-sequitur but it actually ties in with the Temperance card for me. I felt the need to start this business venture long ago because I remembered how much I gained from the stores I frequented. Not only was my spiritual family found at that store, but I found people who envisioned a growing spiritual community and wanted to realize it. I learned so many things and gained a spiritual family who taught me how to contribute to the Pagan and New Age communities.

I compared those memories to my current state. I've found that many people think they are enlightened beings now that they have learned of the Law of Attraction and think others haven't gotten out of their life situations due to how “they don't want it enough”, or “just want to play victim”. I even found one Buddha who felt he didn't earn the prosperity he had, but when I suggested he give it to a charity clutched tightly to those dollars. While there are some Pagans who embrace the Law of Attraction as well I really found this notion is very popular in the New Age community. It became an excuse to be greedy and braggarts amongst people who don't value true prosperity or wisdom. To balance it out they claim to value the wisdom youth sometimes express, but want to exploit them in the name of superficiality. I recalled with I was pressured to take control of a spiritual center at the age of 23. I was still new to my path and found some major qualms with this suggestion. My inexperience aside, I found upon research of the center it had nothing to do with my alleged wisdom or abilities. It had everything to do with the spiritual center technically part of a church. I wouldn't truly run it as much as have to take a few financial falls on behalf of a church to whom I would grow beholden.

I realized during this time I did want to be a member of the Pagan community so I could eventually contribute to its growth, not just for the camaraderie. The New Age community, however, has left a different impression on me. I think some of it came from the pressure to lead an entire spiritual center at the age of 23 (a decision I don't regret turning down), the seemingly fleeting nature of some of its teachings and toxic leaders. It seems focused on its self-importance and strident in its origins for posterity, which includes doting over youth in sometimes undeserving fashion. I will need to step back from the New Age community for a little bit because of these reasons. I will focus on sharing my skills and knowledge in order to help people grow. I feel this is truly why I want to start my business: to educate and assist the growth of the Pagan community so as to participate.

I looked at the charred remains of my Buddha at that decision. In the pile of ashes I found something glimmering. I have no doubt in my mind these are the bones of my Buddha. These glimmering prizes are for me to scry and read for my own revelations. Despite the blood and soot that still covers my hands I know it was for the best and provided an even better reward. I killed Buddha and found my salvation.

Buddha's Murder: A.E. Goddard, with Tarot Cards, in the Paradigm (Part 1)

2011-09-03T21:54:00.000-07:00

If you meet the Buddha alongside the road, kill him. -Lin Chi

must confess to something at the risk of corrupting what I'm doing right now. I'm using the Major Arcana in Tarot for my own paradigm shift. I felt it may be long overdue and it produced some amazing results thus far. Looking over my journal entries about it I was reminded of the paraphrased quote by Ch'an Master Lin Chi. The idea behind “killing Buddha” is best described in this article. Basically it keeps any teacher / leader / authority tempered in their quest and not leading others astray by reminding leaders of humility. However it also keeps students on their path by reminding them to avoid growing enamored or even beholden to spiritual leaders.

When we kill Buddha, we kill hubris. One of the reasons I've started to distance myself from the New Age Movement stems from the sense of how beholden people in the movement are to “leaders”. When these people become beholden they follow him / her on any path without question and disregard all warnings. It also deludes so-called leaders into believing what little they've learned is a sign of Providence and they're some Messiah for it. They think they are The One to lead to the New Age. They forget they too are on the spiritual path and are meant to share what they know to help others along, even if it means they surpass the leader. Leaders too follow the same trail. Originally much of the New Age Movement emphasized decentralization in order to prevent dogma and corruption by delusion. When deluded, leaders are dangerous to themselves and others. If we don't kill Buddha, Buddha kills us.

The reason I began shifting my paradigm was due to my place in life and how nothing I was doing was effective in clawing my way out. I didn't know what to do other than what I had been raised was the social norm and “effective”. I knew the Rider-Waite-Smith deck had some similarities to alchemy so I felt if I truly wanted a change in my life that approach, though possibly taken too lightly, would bring the changes I needed in my life-be it just focusing my attention onto the subject or otherwise-for a way to evolve and finally get out of my mess.

My focus on the Hanged Man brought my attention to many Buddhas in my life. I had one particular person who found his way in life and discovered his connection to the Divine. Unfortunately this connection seems to impress upon him that he's the only one who speaks with his understanding of the Universe. He thinks every message is a message for his masses, albeit they're really just his friends whom he derides and shames for so much as having a bad day. However, he didn't want to acknowledge other's abilities or messages; it only met with further derision and shaming. I finally called him on it and he dismissed it.

Around the time of this event I discovered a podcast by Imakhu that deals with toxic people in spiritual communities (as an aside, it's a great podcast. I highly recommend listening to it and donating if you can). She pointed out how people like my Buddha affect an individual in harmful ways and can even ruinate a person. Upon listening I realized my Buddha was trying to make me a follower by discounting my experiences and my understandings, sometimes even my spirituality. I also had noticed for some time the people around him, even friends of mine whom I've known for years, act just like him suddenly. After being torn down these people would think in ways just like him to where they were afraid of their own thoughts. These people had been so brainwashed and followed every financial venture this Buddha suggested, even if my Buddha wasn't actually benefiting. Some of them knowingly couldn't afford such follies and pursued them because this Buddha commanded it. I knew then my Buddha didn't want to lead people to enlightenment, but rob them of their very lives. He was leading them down emotional, psychological, and financial ruin.

I examined the impact my Buddha had on my life as I metaphorically sunk my blade into his chest. Admittedly I was hiding information from him because I couldn't say a peep without his disparaging remarks. This meant that in some way I was seeking this person's approval. Given the way I am that prevented some of my growth and healing processes. I knew this person's energies had some effect on me and needed to cleanse myself immediately. I simply cut off all ties and erased his number from my phone book. As I left the various groups where I found my Buddha served in some leadership role I discovered a pattern. Wherever my Buddha was leading people mostly kept silent or discussed material things, such as how they had to buy the latest Tarot deck or get a new assortment of items for their shrine, and even disparaging remarks about Christianity. Historically it never ends well when one group seems to vehemently dislike another group. Upon noticing this correlation I validated (even if it's just personally) my Buddha was leading people astray. I also sent Reiki to myself so the energy of the Universe could remove any negative energies this person sent to me, including manipulation. In fact, this blog post will be my last in even acknowledging his existence.

(End of Part 1. Part 2 will appear next week, so see you then!)

Plagiarism Is Against Ma'at

2011-08-26T15:13:00.000-07:00

I recently came across a Kemetic group that releases predictions each year. While not necessarily a Kemetic practice I let it slide; not my faith, not my issue. What I don't let slide are some things I noticed about this prediction. I noticed that, with the exception of Kemetic gods replacing the names and a few Kemetic references sprinkled throughout, this “prediction” really sounded like it was ripped from the Ifa prediction by a Santeria group . I would love to believe this is just some synchronicity at work, I really would. But the similarities are so uncanny in the same references at almost the same parts with almost the same imagery I have to suspect something's amiss.

I certainly hope I am mistaken about this group's prediction. If it is truly how it looks to me, it speaks poorly of the leadership. Anyone who takes another person's works, changes a few of the names around, then passes it off as their own is committing plagiarism. I'm pretty sure one could say it's against the 42 Negative Confessions if one was inclined to argue such a thing. However I'm content with leaving plagiarism as a form of theft. Theft is against Ma'at and it's alarming to see on such a level in any organization. If the people who are held as oracles are stealing, what does that say about other nefarious practices that may be sanctioned?

There are also questions that arise from plagiarizing another group's predictions. Not only have I questioned the integrity of the group for such practices, but I question the accuracy of such predictions. The Ifa prediction is only good for the Gregorian calendar year, whereas the Kemetic group starts their year roughly in July-August on the Gregorian calendar (for those who don't know, the Gregorian calendar is the calendrical system used in at least the United States). This means it's only applicable for 4 or 5 months. I know prior to this year a few members of the group noted how the predictions seemed to only apply until around the start of the Gregorian new year. That's neither fully accurate nor fair to members who believe these predictions as original to the Kemetic organization. Moreover it makes said group very dependent on their predecessor's accuracy. Should this group ever appropriate horoscopes from the local newspaper I fear the outcome may have dire consequences.

What I can't seem to comprehend through all of this is why there would be a need to plagiarize. It's why I want to doubt my suspicion: there is no incentive to do it. There is no actual reason to steal someone's prediction, change the names around, and pass them off as original. Not many people are going to cast doubt nor question the legitimacy of a divination, especially if they believe in that practice. Regardless of one's opinion of divination if an organization divines the organization has clearly accepted it and will accept any readings from proper avenues therein. If a diviner within the organization is divining plagiarizing is superfluous.

As I think about this more I've come to realize many things accepted within the Kemetic landscape. It seems like we are looking for groups, looking for leaders, but we aren't willing to question their practices. We don't question their sources most of the time, and we certainly don't question credentials. It used to baffle me as to why no one was questioning. In recent months in dealing with other “leaders” of other groups, I realized why. If we question, that means a person has to examine the doubts. With doubt comes the erroneous philosophy that one disbelieves entirely. Not only do we hold others accountable but we have to hold ourselves accountable in return.

Accountability on a large scale makes our work as practitioners not so clear-cut. Who do we decide is a leader and what do we define as Reconstructionist practice, as opposed to Tameran Wiccan or just Egyptian Pagan for example? Some things are obvious, but most of it is a shade of indiscernible color. How much of other's practices does one incorporate, if any at all? Do we hold the State practices as the standard for personal practice? Which temple do we use as the standard and which time period? Should there be something of a Pan-Kemetic Reconstructionist approach to the practice? And who sets the standards for all of this? What happens when a leader allows outright the plagiarizing of other's works and practices? How should they be held accountable?

This is where we are unique in regards to religious organizations. We get to set the new standards, provided we can agree upon something beyond what isn't in a practice. It also means we may have to finally centralize and agree on certain practices, maybe even create sects. In centralizing we have ways of holding leaders with improprieties like plagiarism accountable. Since we're relatively decentralized at the moment that means the followers hold those leaders accountable. Those of us on the Kemetic religious landscape need to finally admit it's overdue.

Plagiarism, as far as I'm concerned, is against Ma'at. It not only displays a willingness to steal but also laziness. When it's found inherent in any organization I grow concerned because it means it goes unchecked or even outright ignored. Without the accountability found in other organizations these actions undermine an entire practice. In the name of Ma'at we should hold such leaders accountable.

Blog Challenge: Something I Couldn't Live Without Again

2011-08-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

I think I've hit on this time and again, so this will be a very brief blog post. I've had a fairly lonely existence. I've learned in a very painful way that to some friendship and love is superficial and fleeting. Time and again I've found myself surrounded by silence and emptiness at a time when I really needed someone who cared. It's easy for me to feel resentments and bitterness about it. There are times when I really give into it. The times I do give in, however, are also met with an equal amount of times where I use it to value the times I have my friends and loved ones near. I'll also use that time when I have those feelings to look at what I can do. Sometimes all I have to do is make a phone call.

I remember those days of loneliness and realize that friendship is one thing I can't live without. I'm not talking about just acquaintances either. I'm speaking about true friendship. The people who are my true friends who have stayed with me all these years are ones I truly value. I've had the alleged friends who would drop you if it meant improving their image, or because it's too much of a hassle to answer the phone, or even leave because of a rough patch in your life. Those friends are the kind that make you wonder why a concept like enemies exist.

Real friends, on the other hand, will stay with you thick and thin. They will at least listen to what you have to say. They also aren't afraid to be honest, even if it's at the price of an intact ego. It's because they want you to be the best you possible. They also expect that same honesty in return. Despite any fights, despite all the ups and downs, a true friend will be able to laugh and cry with you through it.

Living a life without true friendship is one that I had for a very long time. When I finally found it I've made sure to hold on to it to the best of my ability. It's a life I don't want to live again.

Dear John (Blog Challenge: a Hero Who Let You Down)

2011-08-08T04:46:00.000-07:00

Dear John Candy:

Yes, as odd as it seems, you were a hero to me. I'm sure people will always be confused as to why, but I think it makes sense to many people who know me personally.

It started with the TV show “Camp Candy”. I always had the impression in that show that there was something genuine in your delivery, namely your love of children. Internet searches seemingly support you loved children, especially your own. I felt in a lot of ways it was alright for me to enjoy my childhood and eased the inevitability of adulthood. It also dispelled lots of other things for me; most of the adults I knew who were overweight tended to be unhappy whereas you were seemingly comfortable with your body. Even though I knew there was only so much animators were willing to convey about that in a kid's show, let alone 2 dimensions, your portrayal in that show seemed one not dissuaded by obesity.

There were probably other shows and movies that supported my impression of your self-image before that time and even well after. One thing I always admired about your acting style was how it comes across like some combination of satire and honesty. I always felt like there was a piece of you in each role, a piece that desired to reach out and do the right thing albeit with your character's misguided efforts. Even when you played Barf there was some sense of you in there.

To be honest, the way you let me down wasn't even due to your actions per se. It was your death where you fell in my eyes. Despite the fact it was your lifestyle that caused your untimely demise I was still unnerved. It wasn't even death as a concept that bothered me because I was taught it at a young age (I learned long ago what happens physically and from a Christian perspective when we die). It was the realization with the assistance of my annoyed brothers that our own mortality can be realized at any time regardless. For reasons I can't explain, I felt at the age of 10 people who brought joy and good to the world weren't as prone to die. I guess I felt people would see the good in that person and be more inclined to help them or that some Higher Power would have mercy. I learned otherwise that day.

I learned that day no matter how I viewed people they're still human. We all experience natality, joy, pain, and mortality. You went from hero to actor who died of a heart attack. In truth I guess you never truly let me down because I still watch your works and laugh and even pity your character in Only the Lonely. I still look at aging without as much fear even as I turn 28 this week. Even as I learn more about your life I still can say, “hey, John Candy went through this too. If he persevered I can ”. Maybe it's because I'm much older now, or maybe because I'm more realistic. No matter the reason I feel it's more of ultimately understanding you're status as a human being that I can look at your work and life and nod. I can now say, “I've been there, I've experienced that. Heck, I'm even that person sometimes.” I suppose it's mostly due to not how your death impacted me but the memories of how your works impressed me.

I hope wherever you are in The Great Beyond you still bear the happiness, joys, and humor you wished to share with the world.

Sincerely,

A.E. Goddard

Ch-Ch-Changes

2011-07-21T10:12:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to give everyone a head's up about some upcoming changes. Some of these changes are long overdue, but it also comes due to my upcoming business.

I felt, given the direction of where both my blog and business plan are going, I need a blog that reflects more of my vision for my business and my life. The content will mostly stay the same save the random plug of sales or notes where I play shopkeep. I will try to title those accordingly where it will most likely start with the word “pluggery”, or “discount”, or “site announcement”, et cetera.

The name will be changing as well. I'm currently focused on changing the url to “aegoddard.blogspot.com” provided it isn't already taken. My actual blog title will probably change to something similar or just replace “pseudo-pagan” with “A. E. Goddard”.

As I've mentioned before my content of the blog will mostly stay the same. I will add more content pertaining to my business site so those who aren't on Facebook or have no desire to use Facebook will still have access to the information they do. As of right now I don't want to make anything too exclusive except for those who aren't paying attention. I am moving away from most of the New Age influences in my personal life so my blog will most likely reflect these changes. Basically, expect to see a lot less New Age and maybe a bit more Occult. I will most likely chronicle the reason for these changes in upcoming posts.

I'm still debating how I want to change my layout. It needs to happen, and most likely will. It pretty much pivots on my layout of my business website. With this layout I will most likely bring back the ads so I can raise some revenue (seriously, folks. I'm broke with lots of college loans that need paying). I will try to keep the ads as noninvasive as possible.

I also won't change everything at once. This will be gradual and I will keep everyone posted and forewarned. Please understand and grow with these changes alongside me. Change is part of Ma'at, afterall.

A Letter to Musicans since They Get Me Through Tough Times

2011-07-17T15:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Musicians of the World:

I found myself at the part of the blog challenge where I had to write a letter to a musician or band whose music helps me through my tough times. I thought long and hard about this since I absolutely love music. I have the iPod that plays Slayer, then Aesop Rock, and then some local folk musician when I hit the shuffle mode. Yet when I come across the issue of the one musician or band that gets me through a tough time I found I couldn't name just one. When I made the tough decision to remove people from my life days ago I listened to music the whole time. My iPod, as usual, shifted from song to song and each one fueled me in the way to empower my decision and myself. Each song crept into my soul and the deep crevices of my brain folds to react. When I was done the iPod had the songs I needed to soothe me and console my inner workings that I did what was best.

Listening during that time brought forth my epiphany. I realized nearly every person who is blessed enough to record something that ends up on my iPod gets me through it. It doesn't matter what genre, period, band, or quality; if it moves me in that moment it is the artist or band that is “it”.

So thank you, all musicians. Thank you for doing everything you can to capture every facet of the human condition, every human emotion, every story. Thank you for finding the media in which you best communicate it and enhance the world. Thank you for harnessing hours of work, hours of refining, hours of releasing your own emotions in the name of a few minutes of finished recording. Thank you for putting in so much and sometimes barely prospering in the name of your passion. Even if you can't touch everyone with your music you found your way to at least touch me at different times.

I am the type of person who doesn't consider it a day without music. Without musicians I wouldn't have a day.

With Love,

A.E. Goddard

Ma'at Isn't Always a Positive Experience (Why My Apostrophe Key Is Faded)

2011-07-07T22:10:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd put my "blog challenge" on the back burner a bit more to finally weigh in on something bombarding me in my life: the "need" to be positive. While it is perfectly fine to live in a world where one wishes to view things in terms of Ma'at, I have a few reservations about people outright living in an idea where negativity is just a "figment" one must eradicate. Ma'at and living in it is quite a positive thing. What I've seen with positivity, however, is not living in Ma'at; it's not a positive to completely deny negativity's existence.

The truth is Ma'at is not always as loving as Het-Hert. There is a reason in Egyptian beliefs why so many goddesses with the title "Eye of Ra" are also intimidating. Sekhmet, in Her quest to uphold Ma'at, killed many people and was insatiable until She was intoxicated. After turning to Her form of Het-Hert did people restore respect for the gods. While some could argue the respect came from fear, I have to disagree; it was the gods Who saved Man from Sekhmet in the first place.

If anything, the idea one must be positive at all costs is more fear-based to me than anything I've heard in a long time. When I hear people refusing to let any emotions or thoughts become negative out of a fear of manifesting a negative life I think back to when I was Christian. Before I left I found myself growing annoyed with how if I wasn't a hundred per cent Christian in every way the church deemed acceptable then many thought Satan had won. I had to "be like Jesus" or else I was "like Satan". That polarity always impressed me with a sense of undue hardship on a person only for them to live in fear of themselves. When we live in such fear it has a lasting, negative impact on our mental health. Having since left that religion now I see this philosophy manifest in different ways with potential to lead to the same psychological problems.

Most of the time I see people manifesting this fear of negativity in the form of "karma". Usually it's a sense of how if I'm not acting in a way that is how they would act I'll incur the wrath of an angry, Westernized form of karma. I've addressed this idea of how Ma'at / karma / etc. is not an input-output machine, so I won't rant about that aspect further. What I find a bit annoying is the sentiment of how one must polarize his views and then only pick one side. How can one live positively if one must oppose himself to a concept within a concept? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of polarity in the first place? Or is the purpose of polarity to simply enforce our sense of exclusivity in the world (the "us" versus "them" mentality)? Why do people who reject the notion of a God versus Satan theology seek out different manifestations of the same view?

I could go into the idea of how man naturally forms groups, but I think that's a given at this point to anyone who suffered through public education. I have no doubt this sense of "positive" and "negative" living is most likely a manifestation of our urge to form social groupings and hierarchies. That's why some groups will label themselves "good" and groups they don't like "evil". It allows them to psychologically validate any actions against people that are reprehensible otherwise.

Honestly, personal validation of our beliefs and actions may be the ultimate end of why I see the positive living or die mentality in my life right now. We all want to believe the way we think or act is the living in accordance with our reality. We don't want to be the bad guy, even those who claim to be the bad guy. We want to know, deep down, we are right. However, these things are so subjective that the only way one can objectify it at times is through validation culturally, morally, and socially at the very least.

Ma'at is Ma'at. The Divine Order does not behave in a way in which we personally would view as "positive" all the time. A sunny day doesn't always mean it's a lush, comfortable one; sometimes it's a sweltering day in 100 degree weather. It doesn't make the sun "good" nor "bad" because it's just a ball of gas (or rather plasma). Our experience of that sun doesn't make us "good" nor "bad" either because it's just how we experience it. I feel it's time for many to examine why they feel they must live "positively". Is it out of a fear of "negativity"? Is it out of fear of derision? What is there to gain and lose from viewing the world so polarized? How is one to define "positive" and "negative" living? Can a balanced life actualize without some form of a counterweight for one's personal scale?

(NOTE: I added an extra paragraph that I thought I had included in this post. Evidently I haven't, so now it can be something of an afterthought).

On the same token there is some precedence magically to manifesting something positive or negative. It's why some make sigils so that one doesn't negatively affect an outcome. I think it also influences sometimes how one shifts their focus of the world. If one sees the world as a dirty, evil-ridden place one will see only evil around them. However, at what lengths one should implement this philosophy in everyday life is debatable. One should definitely keep it in the foreground of their mind, but certainly not live in fear of a view that will summon all the bad things of the world to their doorstep.

Something for Which I Am Never Complimented

2011-06-04T01:33:00.000-07:00

I felt very stuck on writing this particular post. After a few tumultuous weeks, however, my vacation from not writing came to an end after a few epiphanies. There are many things about me that I feel most people don't take very seriously or don't compliment me for doing. At the same time I know I can be overly-sensitive about myself. What I started doing during those weeks was looking at myself long and hard. I realized a lot of what I had to say about myself was negative. Why?, I wondered. Further examination revealed I tend to give people that much leeway.

My patience is a mixed blessing. A lot of the time I can see what's coming down the road for people due to observations or personal experience. That doesn't mean I am immune to frustration, much to the chagrin of those who accuse me of victim-hood. However, I am even patient with them; I feel when they get to know me better they will realize it's not a victim mentality but one of just sheer frustration with the world around me. They would also realize that sometimes I need live human contact just like everyone else. At least, I used to think that way.

What finally made a few epiphanies manifest was the sad realization that people I considered close to me had either no sense of insight, disregarded their own culpability, were truly were self-serving, or some combination of the following. Time and again I heard from people I considered friends who-fully aware of my situation- felt indifferent to my plight and even yelled at me for sharing. Conversely, I was supposed to be patient as they navigated financial woes (who doesn't have those in this current time?), their own family or marital problems (which mine were no different than theirs), or their own frustrations--all with the same patience and understanding I had as always. I slowly came to terms with the sad truth: even though I can sympathize with how we had similar problems, they didn't want to hear about my problems while they navigated their own. They didn't even share their experiences as much as used me as a sound board. Their world was the only one that mattered, and these “friends” didn't see me in it. I felt drained of my own patience with that feeling of slight.

I was taught from a young age that patience is a virtue. I always assumed it was because if you waited and put enough work into something things would manifest positively. It was also the virtue that saved you from having to do the same task twice. After these few weeks I learned differently. I learned patience is a virtue because in time you gain more perspective. The universe isn't some input-output machine, but more like a computer with storage components, processing chips, programs one can run, all of which can't happen without input at some point. Patience, like software, is something added to this computer in order to make the world better by handling specific tasks or for managing the go-between for some of the physical computer components. Also like software, patience needs some knowledge of a language to write.

The “know-how” is probably why I haven't completely lost my patience. I know because patience brings perspective it takes time to learn; it's not an inherent trait. It takes lots of work to find out why someone would act or feel a certain way. It takes a lot of finding your own patience to induce and deduce human nature. I personally have found it, overall, to be worth the struggle. The understanding it leads to brought forth its own epiphanies.

It would have been very easy for me to walk away from everyone who has slighted me, especially during the past few weeks. I have had to do that in the past few years, so it's not as if I'm incapable. I try to understand those whom I've allowed into my life, and for both sides that's time-consuming. I believe at this point in my life love is partially formed from the understanding brought forth from patience. However with my new insight into patience I will have to approach the very act of patience with newfound caution.

Something for Which I Am Most Complimented

2011-02-01T18:45:00.000-08:00

It's really funny this is a blog topic. I have a hard time putting myself in another person's shoes when it comes to my positive attributes. I think it goes back to my self-depreciating demeanor I've adopted. There is one thing I feel I get the most compliments concerning me, though: my personality.

Anyone who knows me can tell you I try really hard to be a kind person. It's not just because I benefit in some way, but because I like how it brightens up the other person. Sometimes all a person needs is an act of kindness to brighten their day. The feeling goes both ways.

On the other hand, I've slowly learned how to prevent my kindness from being abused. I've learned to be direct with people so that my honesty isn't distorted in any way. Sometimes I've had to pull out my claws, but I've learned the hard way many times it can get excessive. My diva friends who claim to have taught me their ways exclaimed about the monster they have created. It's those things, however, that got me through some times during ego matches in various art departments in my college days.

There's also my flakiness. If you look back far enough to discover this is a part of a thirty-day blog challenge you'll see what I mean. I started this in December; it's now February. When it comes to little things I will completely flake out. Yet if you ask me for the birthdate and age of any member or pet, or even their date of death, I can rattle it off. I focus, however, when it's important, and I know the people in my life well. I know some members of my family better than they know themselves!

It seems like a given people would like me for my personality, but I think sometimes we all need reminder of why we like someone. Yes, it seems daft that anyone would befriend someone with a detestable personality, but it does happen.

Someone I Wish I Never Knew

2010-12-14T11:56:00.001-08:00

My list for people I wish I didn't ever know is somewhat lengthy. Instead I will pick a random person and write about why I wish I never knew them and why I should let them go.

There was a person I met during community college whom I will call N. He seemed like a fun-loving, punk rocker type of guy who knew how to be laid back in most situations. He was older than me, yet seemed to be in transition in his life. At the same time there seem to be the undertones of wisdom acquired through regrets and mistakes. I felt drawn to him and decided to get to know him more. In time I developed a crush on him, but decided not to pursue it because of multiple reasons.

I finally pursued the crush further after a bit of unexpected turns in my life. After a massive fallout with a guy I was seeing (we'll call him "B") I needed to cry on the shoulder of a friend, and he was the first one to come to mind. Luckily, he planned to head to my neck of the woods that weekend. After he somewhat chided me for my role with B he and I headed to the local punk show, his original destination.

The “venue” was actually a rental house where bands played in the basement on a homemade stage. That didn't really bother me; I've had my share of rental dumps even as naïve as I was, and the state was sturdy and safe. The people were even welcoming and were knew proper hospitality. The show was an incredible way for me to release so much of my hurt and anger. I ended up finding a culture with which I could relate. I enjoyed the raw emotions from the crowds, the music that inspired the reaction, and how even the unrefined aesthetics of the musicians wove together an incredible art form. While not the same genre or culture, it was through local music shows that I found my inspiration to become a music critic and found my niche with the metal and punk scenes...but that's a story for another blog post.

He took me home after the show and was reluctant to sojourn back to his home (and understandably so; it was late and a couple of hours to travel home is no fun for anyone), so I offered my couch. Fate wouldn't permit that and my roommates brought a friend over to crash on the couch. N, some awkward jokes, and I shared the same bed for what felt like hours. When the tension broke and the heavy petting had finished N felt it was best to brave the trek before it went further.

After some “careful thinking” I decided to pursue a friends with benefits relationship with him. This was probably the biggest mistake I made with him. He'd accuse me of clingy behavior and turn around and do the same thing with me as well as try to get my attention. That isn't to say I didn't ever act clingy; there were a few regrettable moves I made, and I didn't always follow my boundary to treat him first and foremost as a friend. For some time this was easier because B periodically bounced back into my life and N would find a girlfriend. I ended up tangoing with him and B at different times in order to distract myself from the resentments, and the two seemed to have resentments (real or imagined on my end) towards each other despite not knowing each other from Adam. In fact the only information they had about each other was what I told them.

In the end, both partners left my life. B disassociated with me, N settled down and subsequently disassociated with me. The latter was a mutual disassociation at that point because I realized I could no longer even be his friend. Neither of us at this point could see past the sexual encounters, and he wasn't open with me about what he contracted during that time (nor how I was potentially exposed, even with a condom). I didn't realize it at the time, but it was the start of a painful lesson about sexuality for me.

I later learned about how sexuality, like love, is an act of coalescence and how I can choose with whom I coalesce. Because of the nature of sexuality I should take more care to decide with whom I coalesce, and not simply because of self-respect, but because there are some very serious consequences-ones that even though have never seemingly manifested could cause harm. While I ended up not expressing any testable symptoms of the disease I still treat myself as if I have been exposed and disclose it to my partners.

Despite the lessons and impact that culture had on my life I wish I never knew N because of agony I put myself through in order to learn the lesson. Most of my issue with leaving that part of my life behind revolves around my resentments (and some regrets) concerning him and my ultimate exit (though unrelated to N) from that culture. Maybe with this post I can be at peace with the fact I can't change what has happened and let that time finally be what is was and will continue to be: the past.

People I Didn't Want to Go, but Drifted Anyway

2010-12-09T23:19:00.001-08:00

I think one of those bittersweet things about being a human on this earth is knowing despite our best endeavors people you don't want to drift away will possibly do so anyway. One person that comes to mind drifted away about five years ago.

She and I had known each other since high school. High school, like most teenagers, was rough for me: I didn't really have any friends, my family situation was rough, and school was a waste of my time. The only plus I had was a job at an accessory store (which, unbeknownst to me, had hired me to fire me) where I felt I could at least make people happy. That's where I befriended someone I'll call "D". She wasn't a coworker, but a customer who came in and also had an affinity for Sailor Moon. However she and I went to different high schools, and neither D nor I thought to get the other's number, so we drifted away.

It seemed fate had bound us together for a little bit longer. After my job fired me and subsequently closed down I found forensics (not the forensics that investigates crimes, mind you, but the kind that is more of an emphasis on theatre and public speaking). I attended a competition at a high school and I ran into D, who also was competing in events. At that point we attended each other's events, celebrated when she placed, and exchanged numbers. We hung out from time to time, attended going away parties and sleepovers, and congratulated each other when we finally graduated high school. From there we parted our separate ways, despite an attempt to keep in touch through emails.

During this time I kept quiet about my spirituality. While I identified as Christian at the time I knew many people weren't comfortable with my view on communicating with whatever god one believed. It especially made my more conservative Christian friends uncomfortable and led to accusations of demonic possession. I didn't know how she would react to it, and after flack for it at school I wanted to keep my spirituality quiet.

I finally met with her again when I transferred to my now alma mater. I just experienced a falling out with a person, discovered the occult as a means of expanding my spirituality, and told very few people about either. She literally walked up to me and asked if I was so-and-so (ok, not literally that part), and I recognized her. I was excited; I found a friend whom I thought I'd never see again. We hung out, where I met her roommate, whom I will call "B". The roommate and I hit it off when she and I ended up in a discussion about spirituality.

B and I ended up hanging out more after that, to a point where D felt as if she were left out. This wasn't just a feeling-we did leave her out, but it was because we were exploring our spirituality together. This included learning about spirit guides, learning how to connect to our surroundings, and we even started learning Reiki together and attended a local circle. Unfortunately the resentments built up, D discovered my spiritual views and didn't approve, and it led to further conflicts between D and B since B shared the same views. Finally, D had enough and ended her friendship with B. I was then told through B that D wanted nothing to do with me either.

I was crushed. I lost a friend who was there for me during some rough times in my life for, what I felt at the time, had only to do with my spirituality. I had also lost a bit of my past. It was this crucial moment that served as a final straw for me and my time with Christianity. After some long thoughts I realized I don't want to be a part of a religion that doesn't feel my approaches to connecting with a higher power is "good" or "really contacting the devil". That wasn't how I believed, and my experiences of what else was "evil" really displayed a contradiction to that religion's views on the same matter. I also didn't want to be a part of something that made me lose friends that I treasure simply because I didn't follow their beliefs to the letter.

During the time D and B were having their conflicts D wrote me a letter. In it she told me that she was here for me and would help me fight whatever evil was plaguing me. I've kept that letter to this day as a reminder.

Someone Who Treated Me Like Dirt

2010-12-08T22:24:00.001-08:00

I have a knack for finding people who treat me like dirt. What usually happens, rather I should said would happen, is I would stick with people who would disrespect me and I'd try to hold on until someone got tired of the situation and left.

Since I'm a fan of the recency effect the first person that comes to mind is hopefully the last person I'll ever allow to treat me like dirt: my most recent ex-boyfriend. I won't go into the details to save everyone a sob story, especially since my last few blog posts have been full of them. What I will explore is what I did about it.

During most of the relationship I would try to please him. What made this problematic is he came from a world where women were expected to provide all the emotional support for their men. Any shortcoming was then my fault, even though it was his doing. I would point out how it was his doing, which led to some fight, and then he'd break up with me for a few days. This pattern would continue in some fashion, and each time I'd take him back because I wanted to feel loved.

I got the opposite of love. I felt drained, frustrated, and unlovable. It wasn't until I realized, thanks to a developing crush at that time, that I realized I don't need to do this to myself. I am a person worthy of love and respect, regardless of whether or not I am everything one person needs or not. When he went through the song and dance with me the last time I didn't feel any emotion at all in regards to the end of that cycle. In the past I would cry, feel shattered, and used. When I felt nothing I knew the relationship with him was over. I ended it the next day.

I'm sure, in retrospect, he feels he was a loving individual. He probably felt in some ways he was making sure I was fulfilling my "end of the relationship". But love isn't a service. It isn't even something to be conquered or won. Love is an act of coalescence, and because of that there are many types of love. It took me a long time to figure that out.

After I ended the relationship he didn't just go back into the ether. Instead he tried to control me in other ways: he'd want me to take down pictures he took on several accounts, he'd try to spread rumors about me, and he even sent me a nastygram about how I'm a horrible person who's out to use people. I finally made any information in that regard inaccessible to him and blocked him. I hear about him from time to time, and I've grown to a point where I can hear it and not feel too much bitterness about how I felt I was treated. I had learned to detach.

If there was anything I learned from that relationship, it was how because I'm worthy of love and respect I don't have to entertain those who can't deliver it. I am worthy of those things, and because of that I can set my boundaries as I see fit. If I feel someone is draining I can tell them I need to do something else (which isn't a lie; I have plenty of things on my plate to do). Love is an act of coalescence and because of that I decide with whom I coalesce.

Someone Who's Made My Life Worth Living

2010-12-07T22:27:00.001-08:00

Note: Due to fatigue this is the briefest post I have ever written.

This, hands down, is my boyfriend of almost three years this Winter Solstice. He and I were longtime friends, and I feel that in many ways that has built a strong foundation for our relationship.

How we met is a bit interesting. We both frequented a pagan forum. We became friends through a slew of messages, which led to other forms of messaging, which then led to phone conversations. After a while we realized something was there beyond friendship. Not wanting to jeopardize my current but tumultuous relationship at the time I resolved to take a break from the relationship and discuss rationally with both sides.

It didn't work out that way. I followed through on discussing with the future boyfriend about my crush on him. He retorted how he felt the same way, and we discussed it further. The more we spoke the more we saw how we connected. I knew then what I was feeling as did he. The next day I informed the (now) ex-boyfriend that I no longer wanted a relationship with him. I've barely looked back since then.

My current boyfriend is my equal in so many ways. He compliments my spirituality, his strengths are my weaknesses (and vice versa), and knows how to be supportive and loving despite our many ups and downs. If it weren't for him I don't know where I would be right now. He's the only person I've ever met who can keep me sane and grounded in a loving way.

What I Hope I Never Have to Do

2010-12-06T21:55:00.000-08:00

After completely forgetting about posting a blog post I'm going to have to double post today.

I actually had to think for a bit about what I hope to never have to do in my life. Killing a person does end up in the top 10, but so does viewing the film Titanic. I really don't want to do either in my life, but I think there's something else that tops that.

I hope to never live out the rest of my existence broke, alone, and under a mountain of debt. While I know this is almost the complete reality for me right now (I'm at least not alone, which is always a plus) I am certainly broke and under a mountain of debt (some days I wonder if it was worth going to college, to be honest). However I'm confident that once I can find a job being financially broke will at least vanish.

I suppose the key factor in all of this is making sure I don't die the way I'm currently living, as well as keep my friends around.

A Life Ambition

2010-12-05T20:31:00.001-08:00

When I was a child I wanted to be everything from a ballerina to an astronomer. It's probably why I've spent most of my life completely unsure of what I've truly wanted; when one wants to be everything and do everything it's hard to pinpoint any underlying desire.

It didn't occur to me what that issue could be until I finally graduated college. During those years I achieved in many ways most of my childhood aspirations: I nearly acquired a BA in Dance; I sang in a band, even though we never actually performed; I was a published writer, even beyond my time as a freelance music critic; I've experienced what it's like to mingle with other writers; I've been to an art show; I've attended quite a few concerts; I've made friendships that I foresee lasting a very long time; I've fallen in love; I've fallen in lust; and so much more. The things I haven't accomplished are so few that I barely notice them. Unfortunately, after college, reality sank in and I had to find a job at a time when it seems nearly futile. It has been during this time, when exploring my spirituality, that I've realized what the underlying cause my childhood ambitions.

Most of my life I've spent subjected to confinement of some sort, or told I'm not "normal", or even how I'm not "human" in some fashion. What I wanted was-what I viewed in my childhood-the human experience. I wanted to be free to be human. What I didn't realize then and most certainly realize now is that being human isn't a cakewalk. It isn't just about seeing the world. Everything has a cost, and everything has some pain. I learned about lust the hard way, for one. I've learned how hard it is to be an artist, let alone how hard it is to keep pursuing something where people want to invalidate you because you dare to want to try something a different way. I've even learned love sometimes means knowing when and how to express that love, and it can't be forthright or through roses. Sometimes it means crying in each other's arms because you don't know where the money will come from for the upcoming bill.

I think what I really want is no different than what anyone else in the world wants. I want, regardless of my gender, sex, race, creed, political views, or whatever people judge these days, to be seen as a human being who can contribute something to this world in a meaningful way. I'm not asking to be the leader of some Kemetic religious organization; I actually don't care to be a leader in any way, but I just would like to think even if I can make a person smile for a minute I've done something to help the world and upheld Ma'at in even a minuscule action.

Forgiving Others

2010-12-04T22:56:00.000-08:00

Forgiving others is something of which I don't struggle with on a consistent basis. Anything that does bother me I'm willing to work out in one way or another and move on with my life. Sometimes I do the macho thing and throw my proverbial punch and buy the person a beer afterwards. Sometimes I write an angry letter, burn it, and don't really dwell on it. Sometimes I even have enough maturity to just talk it out with person and settle any issue that way.

My ability to forgive most things doesn't mean I can do that with everyone, let alone takes time on occasion. I still, for one, have not forgiven my father. Part of the reason for this is I feel he took advantage of the fact I'm his daughter. He, in my eyes, chose not to nurture me and used everything about me to hurt me. What's even worse is he thinks it's his right as an individual and feels no remorse for his actions.

I feel most people wouldn't blame me for the difficulty in forgiving him. My father is a jerk, regardless of how he treats me. He thinks it's fun to get into hostile arguments with people, he likes to try to anger any friend who doesn't exactly agree with him on every thing (which leads to the subsequent loss of said friends), and feels social conduct applies to everyone but himself. He feels the world should be his and is somehow absolved of any consequences. In other words, he's a childish, boorish individual.

So why forgive him? It's not for his benefit as much as mine. One thing I've learned about forgiveness is it isn't about freeing the other person as much as freeing yourself from their actions. The more one latches on to the way the other person wrongs another, the more power is granted to the offender. If I can forgive him I can move on with my life. I can heal from his behavior, even if he doesn't change his (which is most likely the case at this point in his life).

I want to forgive my father for his maltreatment and disregard for others. That way I'll free myself from his attitude and horrible demeanor. When one detaches from the negativity in their life it allows room for the positive things to manifest in its place. I hope when I can finally forgive my father that the love that should fill its place will be there.

Something I Have to Forgive of Myself

2010-12-03T22:16:00.000-08:00

Forgiveness is fairly complex when paired with any image of myself. If I had to pick one thing, such as the title suggests, I'm usually left stumped.

Some people fault me for being too apologetic. They find it cute and painful how I seem to ask for forgiveness with each breath. However, I don't see myself in that light. Many times I seek to present another side when arguing something. It provides a well-rounded view of an issue while acknowledging my viewpoint isn't the only one out there.

Along that vein I do fuss over the little things in my actions. If there is one thing I should forgive about myself it's beating myself up over minute details. I've had to learn that while words are important in ritual changing one article in a sentence isn't going to mess it up. Ma'at will still prevail because I'm doing the rest of the ritual, and if I had to nitpick it is still mostly correct. It also isn't a reason to chastise myself. If I can forgive myself for minute slip-ups in ritual, then certainly I can forgive myself for little things in my everyday life.

If I say something that may come across as horrible in my mind I don't have to fret about it. I can apologize, correct it, and move on. If I miscalculate something, I'm not an idiot and don't need to fuss about my error. I just need to correct it and Ma'at will still prevail. I'm human, and I'm going to err.

The more I focus on my minor missteps, the more Ma'at does not prevail in my life. I let something take control that leads to more disorder. Forgiveness in that regard provides some humility and comfort. In this way, Ma'at prevails with forgiveness of the self.

What I Love about Myself

2010-12-02T20:29:00.000-08:00

After my previous post explaining what I hate about myself, I'm a little stumped at what I love about myself. I certainly know what I loathe about myself, but love? That gets a bit trickier.

I certainly know there are things with which I'm ok. I'm ok with much of my outlook on the world, for one. I'm ok with some of menial skills. I'm even ok with other positive attributes.

If anything, I love how spiritual I try to be. I feel this has allowed me to grow and heal in ways that I never thought possible. I guess that's partly why I pursued alternative practices; I can find new ways in which to fulfill that need of mine.

I feel I've found lots of peace with it.

What I Hate About Myself

2010-12-01T20:24:00.001-08:00

I must confess something, Reader: I have a very low self-esteem. I have many things I hate about myself. Be it how my language disorde r manifests, my funny-looking body frame, or whatever perceived shortcoming I have this week I have an overall sense of insecurity. I could try to blame it on everything under the sun or wax some conjecture about why I have a low self-esteem, but it doesn't matter in the end. What matters is I have a low self-esteem.

It's very disruptive in many ways. I let every thing tie into my sense of self-worth because I'm afraid of many various flaws. This has prevented me from wanting to reach out and do what I need to do at times. Putting a face to anything about me led to many challenges in the past due to a fear of those flaws following me.

It's one of the reasons I've enjoyed the anonymity of the internet. I am only judged for my writing. While on occasion I've had a few insecurities arise due to some of my many shortcomings, the anonymity mostly allows me to get my thoughts out there without fear of judgement.

I can't say if it's ultimately effective or not, but it permits me to feel like what I say is contributing to someone or something. I don't think of myself as some superstar for it (and my views would definitely support that humble approach), nor do I think of myself as incredibly important, but I forget for a few minutes that I am inferior in any way. For a few paragraphs I'm just another bit of code that conveys some idea.

A Blog Challenge

2010-12-01T19:54:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine has issued a challenge of writing each day on our blogs about a particular topic each day. It seems like a fun challenge, and it will motivate me to write more regularly. If you'd like to follow along here is the list from her blog:

Day 01 – Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 – Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 – Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 – Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 – Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 – Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 – Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 – Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 – Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 – Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 – Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 – A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 – A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 – Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 – Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 – A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 – Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 – What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 – Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 – (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 – Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 – Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 – Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 – The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 – Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 – What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 – What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 – Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 – A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Publishing and You: What to Learn from the Pie Debacle

2010-11-05T10:01:00.001-07:00

Normally, I don't pay attention to issues on the internet about who stole what from whom. In this case I have because it concerns one of my favorite sites, godecookery.com, and an article stolen from there. The NPR article recaps the issue better than I could, but the magazine Cook's Source's editor rebuked the author's attempt to seek compensation for plagiarism and even suggested the wronged author should thank them for the publicity. This didn't sit well with people on the internet and mobbing ensued. Naturally the immediate issue brought forth is about copyright on the internet. Unfortunately it's not an issue of author's rights on the internet. One must consider the media's rights as well.

Obviously copyright on the internet is a complex issue for a writer. Much of what we see are the remnants of the "Information Superhighway" notion once sold to the public. With more people migrating towards self-publishing and sharing ideas freely many of these terms of property are distorted. Unfortunately this creates a conundrum for artists. Even some websites can freely take your work and redistribute it how they see fit due to language in the Terms of Service , yet if someone creates a copy to distribute some consider it less criminal since it serves a more "noble purpose". It complicates the issue of intellectual property rights even further because under the United States law both are technically committing copyright infringement. However, there are ways to look at publishing issues that might mitigate cries of foul play.

I have been lucky enough to have been published a few times in my short life and have navigated some of the publishing jungle. When an author publishes a work through a publisher some rights are relinquished, usually first publishing rights. This means the publication has first dibs to publish the work while the author retains all other rights. With certain publishing companies, however, they sometimes retain multiple publishing rights or even all rights. When one wants to publish these works the company needs to not only consult the author but the publication from which it originated.

Ultimately if one is a publisher seeking to re-publish something consult the author. If it's published through another publishing company ask them as well. It's polite to ask and also spares a lot of trouble, both financially and publicly. It isn't a perfect solution. One must consider how far to define "publisher". Should I as a blogger seek permission from NPR to link to their article, let alone reproduce parts of it? It's hard to say, and it's not a decision that will be reached anytime soon.

I feel it's pertinent to bring up these points because I know there are many e-zines devoted to alternative religions and spiritual practices. It's not always a simple case of pulling from a site and giving a link. While it is common practice on the internet to perform such customs with blogs or websites it's not possible with an actual online publication. Even then many writers would disagree with me; some would believe once it is published the author retains all rights due to intellectual copyright unless permission has been granted for its use, whereas some believe that unless copyrighted the rights don't exist.

Publishing is very complex and shaking in its nature due to lawsuits that easily bankrupt publishers. While the internet has been a boon for smaller publishers it comes with a hefty drawback. The publishing game (and, yes, sometimes it is a game) has been established for a very long time and the internet is redefining many of those rules. Copyright has been subjected to a lot of scrutiny, but now long-established rules of publication face the same type of debate.

CORRECTION: I mistakenly listed the name of the magazine as Cook's Choice. It is actually Cook's Source.

Stone Grids and the Chakras

2010-10-08T18:35:00.000-07:00

One of the ways I like to work on my aura and general energy is through a stone grid. A stone grid, for those who are unfamiliar with what they are, are crystals arranged in a certain pattern in order to provide a specific purpose. For example, someone may use an interchanging pattern of angel and aqua aura with kyanite in the center for an aura cleansing grid. I use a stone grid to especially work on individual chakras.

I've found stone grids for my seven chakras work well to balance out the aura and for focusing on a certain purpose. A perfect example of this is my third eye chakra grid. In the outer circle of the grid consists of alternating moldavite and iolite, while the inner circle consists of moldavite, and the center stone is tektite.

There are many grids out there to chose from, and a simple internet search will turn up many results. I found in one search several grids intended for relationships, the year, meditation, healing, guidance, and even all the chakras. There are as many grid layouts as there are stone combinations.

After choosing a grid the questions arise as to how to arrange the stones on the grid as well as which stones to utilize. That ultimately depends on the resources available and the intent. My chakra grids are filled with stones I could acquire in a large amount for a reasonable price. If you need some ideas for your grid, Reader, I have provided the stones I use for each chakra as a guide.

Root- apache tears, garnet, ruby

Sacral- carnelian, orange millennium, selenite

Solar plexus- citrine, hemitite, sunstone

Heart- lithium quartz, prehnite, infinite

Throat- blue chalcedony, blue lace agate, azurite

Third Eye- iolite, moldavite, tektite

Crown- amethyst, singing quartz, apopholyte

Many of these grids consist of stones that are highly common. I point this out only to convey these grids do not require lots of disposable income to produce. In lieu of apopholyte I could have used a quartz, or in lieu of infinite I could have used green quartz, or in lieu of blue chalcedony I could have used blue quartz. The amount of stones required need not deter any desire to assemble a grid.

Stone grids are quite useful and I recommend them for anyone who incorporates stones into their work. They can be arranged in any way with any stone available in the preferred quantity. I'm sure an individual can make their own without too many objections,. The only limitation is the imagination and resources of the user.

Literacy for Alternative Spiritual Practices

2010-09-15T19:50:00.000-07:00

In college, many of my teachers encouraged me to write for the hoi polloi. I had no problem with this suggestion, even though I disagreed over what constituted “high language” (especially since the US doesn't have nobility). I later learned they meant the lowest common denominator rather than the average reader. I justifiably had many reservations about this proposition. I especially feel members of the spiritual communities should observe these notions of appropriate audience.

The very philosophy assumes an audience has poor reading comprehension. I feel while the average reading level of an adult is abysmal, there is some hope. More people are seeking higher education. With more education reading comprehension increases in theory. Should the theory be valid I feel more readers will demand a higher standard of writing.

There are other problems with what my teachers advised. It assumes I intend to write for the average individual. There's nothing wrong with such an aim; that isn't my target audience. I aim for those with some higher learning under their belt, or at least higher than a ninth grade reading level (admittedly, I'm not always successful. This blog post is about 8.6 on the Flesch-Kincaid grade level ). I know this will immensely reduce my audience, but some things are a higher priority to me than others. I feel anything short of my standards is a disservice to many pagans, especially since there are quite a few who pride themselves on their education.

The target audience is something I feel a few spiritual writers--pagan or otherwise--have forgotten. One of the biggest deterrents I found in terms of exploring other religions was the rudimentary language. Many readers aren't some sixteen-year-old discovering Wicca after reading a Llewellyn 101 book. It may surprise some of my readers to learn I didn't find my path until I was nearly twenty-two years old. Most of the books I've found at a semi-appropriate reading level were for more advanced practitioners. That doesn't sit well with me. It vastly underestimates the age group that discovers any alternative path. The simple solution to this problem consists of demanding more books for specific age groups. Much of this lies in the responsibility of publishers; those who self-publish should also take note. That's not to say authors are blameless, though. I'm just assuming there are authors who want to fill those niches and meet little success.

There's one more issue I have with what my teachers pressed: why assume writing for the masses means writing for the lower end of the bell curve in the first place? While I feel the average reading level in adults is very poor, it's still about an eighth or ninth grade level. There is no need to write on a fourth through sixth grade level. I suspect this is a symptom of what I like to call “Fashion Industry Syndrome”. When people complain about the unrealistic size of models, many designers “give in” by supplying the token model who's a size 30 or so. The idea of this syndrome is the individual, in otherwise normal circumstances, will go to extremes rather than find a reasonable middle ground.

I think if I had to compromise my beloved pedantic style I'd have to say my target audience would be on a ninth or tenth grade reading level. It isn't too far from my aim anyway, and it still falls within the realm of the average adult's reading level. Is it too much to demand more of our writers? Why do many on the spiritual path accept a writing level that is insulting to their intelligence? If we are demanding more scholarly material, why aren't we demanding age appropriate literature?

Pagans are increasingly demanding more scholarship from their writers. This emerged from the ubiquitous misinformation and myths found in several communities juxtaposed with more college-bound readers. I don't feel it's too much of a stretch to demand writing that isn't on the average reading level at a minimum. Conversely I've seen some authors whose scholarship provokes more eloquent language. I can't help if maybe I'm demanding something inherently under way without further pressing.

My Second Try with Mercury Retrograde

2010-09-12T16:22:00.000-07:00

Earlier I mentioned how I wanted to try a different approach to communicating during a Mercury Retrograde. This is my second attempt at this, and my results were mixed.

There were still times where my communication broke down. This occurred mostly with negative people and technology. I think many of the problems, a part from simply negative people, resides in when I chose to use certain communication skills. I wasn't consistent about finding new ways to communicate, and one of the new ways I tried to communicate was so foreign to me it didn't work well.

As for technology, I blame myself for not using my stone grid earlier. I have a stone grid for each chakra, and the last time I dealt with a Mercury Retrograde I used a throat chakra grid. It worked well the last time, so I suspect it was due to a couple of variables:
1) I implemented the grid a day before the retrograde started, as opposed to
implementing the grid much sooner last time, and

2) Mercury Retrograde fell on the cusp of my sun sign this time. This could have,
combined with other factors, impacted why my new approaches had some adverse
effects.

So combining the timing of my grid, my unfamiliarity with the forms of communication I tried to use, as well as when the Retrograde fell my approach met mixed results.

I'm not sunk, though. I have another chance to try my approach around the end of the year. I'm going to try my grid a few days before during the hour of Mercury to see if that's effective again. I'm also going to re-examine which forms of communication worked for me during that time.

Beware of the Elderly?

2010-08-26T05:11:00.001-07:00

My mother informed me this weekend about one of her exploits in finding a church. She inquired about one church that interested her and many people advised her to avoid it. It wasn't for an issue of their ideological views nor church politics. Their complaint was how it was predominantly elderly people who attended the church.

Now the last time I checked, Reader, no one can contract a case of the liver spots from the mere presence of the elderly. Age is not some communicable disease.

I remember growing up (and it wasn't that long ago either) where I preferred to hang out with older people. I had many ideas that people my age could not, and still won't, completely entertain. While many haven't agreed with me I could still find an ear with older people, the elderly included. I will concede that not every elderly person I've met is wise. There are some who are downright immature and bigoted. Some of it stems from the culture they grew up in; some of it is just how the individual may act. Sometimes it even stems from a mental disease.

In truth, it's very sad as to why one would advise others to avoid the elderly. Aging isn't always a fun process, and American culture is one where it idealizes youth. Given how cosmetic surgery (a multi-billion dollar industry) has a consumer base of many who want to look younger, it's not hard to deduce how much our culture disapproves of aging. The realization of our mortality is one that is frightening for many. Being around elderly reminds some of a time that will arrive before they know it. It reminds me of the time where their bodies wear down, when they lose control of it, and when they're just too old to do many things.

I grew up otherwise. From a very young age my parents and grandparents made my siblings and I aware of our mortality. We knew one day we would die, just as one day we would grow up. It was just a part of life. Naturally we had the questions of "what happens after we die", or "do we get to see our pets who've already died", et cetera. We all have found our answers in one fashion or another.

I think that may be key in how I do not fear the elderly. They're humans. They once were young. I will be there one day as well. I may even join a few in the afterlife. While I do not know when I will travel West, I know it is still natural.

Beware the elderly? I'd rather pay attention to life.

The Epagomenal Days

2010-08-04T11:51:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in a previous post I wanted to cover the Epagomenal Days and their significance to me.

The Epagomenal Days are five (six if it's a leap year) days not considered a part of the year. On a practical level, this is due to the way months are arranged. The Egyptian calendar is arranged into twelve months with thirty days each (twenty nine every six years, but those extra days are used to make an extra month. More on that on a later date). These calculations leave for a few extra days, so the extra days aren't considered a part of the year.

The myths behind the Epagomenal Days are a little less complex. Ra, according to the myths, forbade Nut from having a child on any day of the year. This devastated Nut as she was pregnant. Desparate, She employed the help of Ra's vizier, Thoth. Thoth then played against Khonsu in a game of senet with an additional caveat: if Thoth wins, He wins an extra day. Thoth, Who was incredibly good at the game, ended up winning five times. He then informed Nut that He won five extra days on which She could give birth. On the first day She gave birth to Osiris, the second day Horus the Elder, on the third day Seth, on the fourth day Isis, and on the last day Nehpthys.

Even though these seemed like wonderful things, in Ancient Egypt the Epagomenal Days were very dangerous. People would wear amulets made of linen that was knotted twelve times to protect them from any danger in the upcoming year. At the beginning of the year, amulets with the image of Sekhmet were exchanged.

On a personal level I feel the same hope that comes for many at the new year. I want to have a prosperous year that brings lots of good times for me, but I know that can't always be the case. I'm hoping during these days outside of the year that I can find what I need.

The End of the Kemetic Year

2010-08-03T13:50:00.000-07:00

For those readers who aren't familiar with Wep Ronpet it is the Kemetic new year. It's a nearly week-long celebration that commemorates the rise of the Nile marked by the rise of Sirius just before dawn (called helical rising) at the home of the pharoh. The holiday consists of the last day of the year (the 360th day), the Epagomenal Days, and the start of the new year. I've chosen, since I practice alone, to observe the start of the new year on August 9th which corresponds with the new moon and slightly later than the helical rising of Sirius in my area.

The new year is a time where the fields are flooded. The harvest season was closing and it was time to start sowing again. While the Nile doesn't flood the fields anymore due to the dam, it doesn't make it less of a harvest time end for many.

While I put together my end of the year rituals I've found myself contemplating. About this time last year I prepared for a move across the country. Now I'm back-albeit a bit more jaded and broke for the experience-but I've learned a lot of things this past year. I'd like to share them with you, Reader:

-Even though many people may mean well, words are not acknowledge by everyone as anything more than words.

-I may not picket but I am an activist in my own right.

-Very rarely do the problems people have with me actually have to do with me.

-I don't mix well with any level of organized religion, and it seems like a solitary practice is the best route for me.

-I love someone enough to go hungry for them.

-Being healthy is very important to me and my mental wellbeing.

-That said, I need to check in on myself more often to keep it balanced.

-There are many people who claim to be teachers in the community, but very few of them understand what that means. Sometimes it means reaching out to the annoying 16-year-old fluffy bunny.

-Very few people are actually fluffy bunnies. Most people are wanting to live their faith but aren't sure how to assert it. Many simply find the wrong books.

-The Religious Right is just as scared of us as we are scared of them.

-I have many tools at my disposal, I just have to know when to use them.

I feel there are many more, but these are the ones I feel I can articulate the best. I hope to blog about the Epagomenal Days soon and share how I feel they are significant to me.

Update on the Tarot Case in Virginia

2010-07-30T13:16:00.000-07:00

Mr. Jason Pitzl-Waters of The Wild Hunt has an update about the case of the Virginia Tarot reader, Ms. Patrica Moore-King. Simply put, the case was thrown out since Ms. Moore-King didn't use the lawsuit as a last resort. While she has the opportunity to re-file if and when she exhausts those outlets I still have to say a few words on the topic.

I will concede that her claim to being a "spiritual counselor" is quite suspect as she doesn't present any licensing, nor is she backed by a religious organization. I've said this in another article and I'll say it again: spiritual counseling is not a loophole. It has its own guidelines and requirements. I know Ms. Moore-King isn't the only individual to do this (or so I suspect that's what she tried to do), but it can have massive negative consequences if used as a loophole.

Even though the spiritual counselor claim is a shaky one at best I still have to comment on something the judge said. He berates Ms. Moore-King for not undergoing a background check and uses the justification of the history of fraudulent psychics. The pejorative statement, however, ignores how many other people have used religion or spirituality for fraudulent activity, and it isn't limited to fortune-tellers. I could keep listing the prominent ones, like this one, but for every prominent one there are others still in the shadows. The spiritual or religious beliefs serve as a poor indicator of fraudulent conduct. I'm sure if a Baptist preacher were subjected to the same background check the protocol would be circumvented if he or she objected.

I hope eventually these requirements will get thrown out. The law in question is very antiquated and doesn't belong in our lawbooks. Maybe, however, Tarot readers and the Commonwealth of Virginia can reach some compromise: if they have the same requirements for preachers they can keep the requirements for Tarot Readers.

Having lived there, I doubt it.

A Move and a Follow-Up

2010-07-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

I've started to settle down after moving back to Kansas. Once I have time to reflect on everything I've learned in Virginia I'll happily share.

Meanwhile, I have a follow-up to a story I commented on earlier. A lawsuit filed in Virginia by a Tarot reader will have her day in court. I'm eagerly waiting to hear the results.

Sadly, that's all I have for now. I hope to have some more news in the future.

Why Sometimes I Don't Want to Be Associated with Pagan

2010-07-16T21:51:00.000-07:00

There are moments where I throw my hands up in the air because I'm so disgusted with the Neo-Pagan Movement. Much of what I've observed in this past year are things I observed (and subsequently felt disgusted by) occurred in Christianity.

It's becoming a clique. I'm seeing this trend where unless you're one of "them" you don't get to make the same remarks, dissent, nor practice with "them". It's natural to form groups, but there's a point where the "group" starts to hurt the religious dynamic.

Too many rabid fundies. I know this seems odd to write about with a movement reputed to be so open, but I can't believe how many times I've had the Rede shoved down my throat. Many pagans cannot accept the fact not every pagan is Wiccan. This is a troubling trend, especially for Neo-Pagan religions that don't adhere to such things. That isn't to leave out the ones who, despite any scholarship, want to deny other groups. If this trend isn't abated in any way I may see a Pagan Religious Right in my lifetime.

If the bar isn't too high, it's too low. If it isn't strict "us vs. them" cliquishness there's this seemingly low standard to allow anything because it's pagan. This means allowing pewter items to be sold as amulets and crude artwork marketed en masse. The outrageous standards are going to kill the movement. Which leads me to my next point...

Consumerism is rampant. How long have we, as those belonging to alternative faiths, blasted Christianity for its exploitation of people's dollars? I know it's hypocritical for one who will open her own store soon to say such things, but there's a difference between selling a ritual kit for a holiday and selling an ugly pendant as an alleged amulet. Have we forgotten some things, or just became hypocrites?

The inability to organize for most things. I know this issue has been addressed constantly, but if Neo-Pagans are to be taken seriously they're going to have to treat certain things seriously. This means arriving to events in a timely manner, coming together to protest and inform the public, and respecting differences. I'm starting to question if people have come to this religion for the same reason I came to it.

The god complexes. It seems like one isn't a true pagan unless they lead all sorts of groups, despite being the only member. I understand with some paths one may ultimately practice solitary, but it's starting to seem like everyone and their goldfish is a high priest/ess. When I question these people, these "clergymen" become indignant or try to negate me in some way. It's part of the reason why many people don't take the Neo-Pagan Movement seriously, and it needs to be more stringently addressed. Not everyone is meant to be a clergymember, and the few seminaries already started is a great way to address that.

The Party Pagans. Reader, I trust you know the type: they're in it for the shock. While many of them will go their own way by the end of adolescence, there should be a better way to address this issue to repair the reputation. People think some become pagans for the image or to "get back". It's probably why a few still venture to say when one has a rough life they sink lower by pursuing paganism.

I'm sure there are others rolling around in my head, but they haven't popped up. I feel if the religion(s) are to last in a healthy way we, as those in alternative faiths, must fix these issues as soon as possible.

Lookville? What the...?

2010-06-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

I just checked my email today in order to distract myself for a moment from my dog's passing. I found an email from an individual whom I thought truly enjoyed my blog. As a rather obscure blog I like to know my work is appreciated. Unfortunately as I read the body I found it was the strangest spam I've ever received:

Hi there blogger!

Just visited your "Musings of a Pseudo-Pagan" blog and I was super impressed by its design and content. We just opened up our community Lookville for beta testing. It's a place for people to have discussions, share tips, and ask questions about fashion. Currently, memberships are by invitation only and I would love to have you on it! Please accept this invitation if you're interested: [link removed]

And we would love to hear your feedback.

Ciao!
- Heidi C.

On one hand, I'm amused that a site would be so exclusive as to send their bot my way. I have heard that it's a bloggers rite of passage into the mainstream when they start receiving invites from spambots. On the other, I'm a little insulted by the possible implications.

One implication is about my blog itself. I happen to find fashion as a whole trite and a bane to society. To see my blog in terms of that via this letter, therefore, implies that my blog is trite and doesn't contribute in a positive way to anyone. I'll admit it doesn't contribute to much since it's an obscure blog, but I'm sure it has some positive impact for someone-if not myself.

Another implication is about Neopaganism, the occult, and the New Age beliefs. I discuss these things repeatedly in my blog. People in these fields are still struggling with the issue of our beliefs used as an accessory. Those who believe in alternative faiths and spirituality aren't doing it to make a statement. Rather, the people who aren't trying to rebel want to find a more fulfilling path in their lives. Many of us blog in order to explore those concepts within the self and the community. Inviting me, based on a blog about my spiritual beliefs, to discuss "fashion" is a slap in the face to what I believe and try to tackle regularly. Would I still receive the same spam had I blogged about one of the Abrahamic faiths? If you, Reader, blog about one of the Abrahamic faiths and received the same spam please share. I'm truly curious at this point...

I know I may be looking far too deep into a piece of spam, but I can't avoid speculating as to why I got this. Why wasn't it aimed at fashion blogs? Was the bot designed to spam any blog with an email? Why do I even have my email so openly available (actually, I can explain that: I feel some people may wish to discuss certain points about my blog without an outisde audience. I did that to provide them the opportunity)? How old do they think I am to want to discuss fashion? What good is any site that uses spambots as a promotion tool? Do outsiders still believe people like myself are into alternative faiths and spirituality as a way to "make a statement" or "be ironic"?

Whatever the case, a quick search on the internet seems to show I'm one of the few people who bothered to look into this piece of spam. It seems as if many other bloggers were so thrilled to get an "exclusive invite" that they joined without much thought. I will not join them in this endeavor.

Michigan's Law: Mores, Journalism, and Media

2010-06-13T21:46:00.000-07:00

On my daily peruse of WitchVox I found an article about an alleged “political statement” in Michigan. Apparently one senator proposed a law (one which they knew wouldn't pass) that would require journalists to get a license to practice. The person would have to somehow prove they had experience in the field as well as “good moral character”. The senator hoped this law would provoke discussion about journalistic integrity in the face of people who allegedly don't know the law nor how government works.

What bothers me-besides the censorship and free speech violations-is the vapid phrase I see too often: good moral character. In legal terms this means nothing. By whose morals do we hold journalists?

Journalists have a code of ethics, but those don't denote morals. If anything it indicates an already existing standard to the field albeit seemingly neglected. However, presuming a journalistic code of ethics is neglected assumes all media is just an extension of journalism. I suspect this is what the senator wants us to ponder (though based on the indifference between the two in the bill I call that into question). It still doesn't answer the question of morals.

In fact, this vague standard of “good moral character” has been grounds for many occasions to overturn a law in the first place. The most often seen cases are anti-divination laws. It is for this reason I worry about laws that have the aforementioned requirement in them. These types of clauses tend to have a Christian bias in their very wording. This troubles me. The requirement of a moral character only makes sense in such laws when defined by a religion. Given that Christianity is the religion that holds the majority it's a safe bet the guidelines will be by Christian morals.

It would behoove people to pay attention to such laws not only to understand their legal boundaries but also question the moral integrity of such law makers. Do we want law makers who, on the taxpayer's dime, create frivolous bills that could deny many pagans their only source of communication? Who gets to make the shots on moral codes concerning the legal system? Should media and journalism guidelines meet the moral codes of a religion?

The Fox Who Changed His Faith

2010-06-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

Many younger people who change faiths today seem to have the same plea for others: think for yourselves. If it were merely a couple of people spouting this I'd ignore it as just immature spats. Unfortunately it isn't. This mantra bothers me for a couple of reasons.

Most people leave a religion because they're immensely dissatisfied with it. I've yet to meet the person who changes their religious belief on a whim of curiosity. It's human nature to denounce a former path. What isn't normal is to assume people are involved in a religion simply because they “haven't thought it through”. It is a rare occasion I meet an individual, regardless of their beliefs, who hasn't asked themselves why they believe a certain way. I suppose an adolescent may not have thought about it, but I'm not giving adolescents enough credit if I stick to that surmise.

The average age of the “spokesmen of reason” is something I need to consider as well. I was inclined to dismiss it at first because it was usually a young person who wished to rebel. Sadly, it's sometimes someone whose age is irrelevant but has something to hide. It reminds me of the Aesop fable “The Fox Who Lost His Tail”. The gist of the tale revolves around a fox who loses his tail due to a trap. In order to avoid ridicule he preaches about the evils of tails and how they are no good. His plan goes well until an elderly fox points out the grim truth about the tail-less fox. The moral of the story is some people who are so adamantly against something usually are guilty of the said issue.

Sometimes people adamantly renounce something because they think it brings some camaraderie with their new group. Depending on the age and maturity of the group this may or may not work. If it does bring some camaraderie I'd highly question the integrity of any religious group that encourages bashing of another religion's followers. It's one thing to not like or disagree with a religion, let alone express criticism; that's to be expected of an individual. It's in-conducive to a person's spiritual development. What ultimately happens is such “free thinking” encourages spiritual lethargy within the group dynamic. Ironically the group stops thinking for themselves.

Before I hear anymore any further pleas to think for myself, I hope those who read this blog will consider a few things: how do you mean “think for yourself”? Is it just you want us to join your beliefs? Is this a way for you to reach out for your own benefit, or are you reminded of something in another religion that you don't like about yourself? What are you gaining from pushing your beliefs on others? Did you lose your tail and don't want others to know?

The End of a Strip and Another Phase

2010-06-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

Nothing in the Neopagan Movement has captured an audience like the strip Oh My Gods!. Shivian Balaris, the creator of the strip, has officially announced his end of the seven-year-strip citing changes in life as his reason.

I'm saddened by this, as are many of his fans. Without updating his strip in over a year many-myself included-saw it coming. I will miss the characters, their ever-poignant lines, the poking stick, and of course his various typographical errors. That's not completely why I'm sad about the strip ending.

I found the strip was a satirical response to the religious environment I entered five years ago. I found myself caught in between a witch war (it was rather one sided, but oh! how they tried), friends who couldn't take my change of faith, and those who simply would never "get it". I also found a few dreams here and there of pagan communities. For me it was and still is a strip that speaks for a younger pagan generation.

The end comes at an interesting time for me. I find myself at something of a religious crossroads and have many options before me. I'm not sure where to go with my new phase in religious and spiritual development. I simply know that it's time for a new one to begin. When we finally decide to take up the torch for ourselves, that's when the true light of a generation glows.

So long, Stan! So long, Vera and Victor! I hope these strips can remain online for as long as possible.

Why Do I Blog?

2010-05-25T13:09:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged much lately. As a matter of fact I haven't written much lately. A lot of it has to do with my frustrations and attempting to deal with each one accordingly. It also has a lot to do with life in general; it's made me lose a lot of inspiration for much these past two years.

So why do I blog? I guess it goes back to roughly a year ago when I needed work and job hunting was a fruitless effort. When I asked my friends for advice the answer every time was to try blogging. I was hesitant because I didn't ever expect to make much from such an endeavor (later on I learned this is a reasonable expectation), but I'm an opinionated individual. I figured even a penny for writing something every day was worth it.

Obviously I haven't blogged every day. Some days have a more insightful message than others. Some days I don't have any inspiration. Some days I can't finish a thought on time. All of it piles up, and when compounded by real life, really reduces my desire to write. This is also ignoring how many bloggers are out there blogging about the same community, the same topic, and sometimes the same idea.

So why do I keep doing it? I have plenty of reasons not to blog. Part of me wants to believe it adds to the collective voice of the Neopagan movement. I'm still a part of it due to the history of Kemetic Reconstructionism. I participate in gatherings where I can, and even hang out with other pagan, New Agers, and the like. I'd like to believe that places like the Web Archive will save blogs like mine for future pagans to read. I also want to believe my opinion adds something slightly new to think about for the current community. After all, I'm opinionated and egotistical enough to believe in my writing can impact at least one person.

I'm no elder, I'm no priestess, nor am I influential in any community. I have no desire to be any of those things. It doesn't diminish nor negate my input in the communities in which I participate. I just have my questions, and the communities have my answer. At least, they should have the answer. I have a voice, a brain, and the ability to use both. That's why, Reader, I write.

Book Pluggery!

2010-05-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

For those who are gluten-intolerant like I am know how hard it is to give up some of those dishes (especially cheese danishes in my case!) Luckily, fellow writer and vegan Dawn Grey understands our plight. She has created a cookbook for the gluten-intolerant vegan called, The New Dawn Kitchen: Gluten-Free, Vegan, and Easily Sugar-Free Desserts.

The recipes are simple, easy to customize, and-most importantly-delicious. I know so because I received a pre-release copy from the author and got to try these recipes myself. The book contains easy-to-follow recipes, a clear explanation as to how to work with all the gluten-free ingredients, and clearly divided into different categories. Even if you aren't vegan this is a book every person who wishes to avoid gluten should own.

New Dawn Kitchen won't be released until a few weeks, but that should stop anyone from ordering the book. I encourage you, Reader, to get your copy today.

About the Author: Dawn Grey holds a Ph.D in Naturopathy and is a CHHP. She has practiced for many years and uses her experience as a healer, a vegan, and gluten-intolerant to provide healing and nourishment. She is also the founder of the Reiki Rays Institute.

Appropriation or Acculturation: an Attempt to Seriously Address

2010-05-14T12:57:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to see an increasing amount of groups cry foul at cultural appropriation. The sad truth is it does happen. Plastic shamans wouldn't exist otherwise. Suburban white boys who appropriate the gangster culture are a common joke in American culture. There wouldn't be derogatory terms for Black Americans who heavily appropriate White culture. The appropriation can also hurt other cultures with stereotypes and irreverence to certain aspects. I feel the Neopagan and New Age communities should address the issues of cultural appropriation and act on it.

Unfortunately, I see the makings of another problem in addressing appropriation.

It is accepted that very few places in the world don't mingle with other cultures. It is accepted that most cultures mix. It is normal and, when the origins are understood as well as respected, healthy. In this context the appropriation is called "acculturation". What I find troubling is the growing trend targeting of American culture for the appropriations. These cries of foul are mostly directed at those who are European descent. I hate to break it to people, but it isn't just "whitey" doing this. If one looks under "b-gyaru" on this list of definitions you'll see what I mean. I have been hard-pressed to find the same outcry to Japanese appropriating such cultures. The only thing my search turned up were comments made in this blog (maybe I am not searching with the right words?) It should be noted, however, not every group who addresses appropriation targets one ethnic group. New Age Frauds and Plastic Shamans is just one example.

My point is I see this going into a very dangerous territory when we (and I do mean we) only address one group appropriating another's culture. Before anyone jumps down my throat about privileges, please consider this: whom do you feel is most likely to appropriate your culture? Why do you, Reader, jump to that group first? What's the general attitude of this group towards your culture? Are they open to learning from the culture? What if the group isn't an American of European descent? Is it still acceptable?

There are many more questions to consider about the issue beyond what I presented. Where does one draw the line in cultural appropriation? Who gets to appropriate, if anyone? How much appropriation is allowable, if any? When it is just the mixing of multiple cultures?

This will be the hardest part for any group to answer, and not just the Neopagan, White American, and New Age communities. It's a difficult question for every group. The cultural boundaries are shifting in this era in inconceivable amounts. All groups must come to a consensus with healthy boundaries.

Just Because It's Hermetic Doesn't Make It Kemetic

2010-04-13T00:24:00.000-07:00

As of late I've found myself bombarded all over cyberspace where people equate Hermeticism with Egyptian practices. This couldn't be further from the truth.

While Hermeticism does have some minute Egyptian influences (such as the names of Egyptian gods and pseudo-history of Egyptian origins), it is mostly a hodge podge of Hellenistic ideas. In fact, it tends to be classified as a Western Esoteric Tradition. These traditions, while eclectic, have some basis from individual experience and formal practice . The more formal practices focus on leading a person to God . It defines anything "good" relating solely to God and the focus on earthly things to be "evil".

Egyptian practices, on the other hand, are a bit more complex. While they can vary from temple to temple and even within social classes it still had a strict outline (at least for the temples). Priests at temples adhered to formal rituals while lower classes had to fend for themselves. What we do know about practices, then, is they tended to focus more on upholding order rather than leading an individual to the Gods.

The concept of "good" and "evil" even have different foci. The things that are believed to be "good" are rooted mostly in upholding the order of things. Things which are "evil" tend to be that which contributes to disorder. More on that can be found here,. I will warn, however, that there are some minor inaccuracies (such as the House of Netjer listed as the oldest temple, which is really Church of the Eternal Source. Moreover some of the information listed is really House of Netjer's practices and not necessarily Kemetic Reconstructionist's). Even though there are similarities between Hermeticism and Kemetic beliefs, they dramatically contrast enough to be distinguished as two different practices.

These are just some of the more significant differences between Hermeticism and Ancient Egyptian beliefs. It should set up groundwork, however, for anyone to keep in mind should an individual mention Hermeticism as the same thing as Ancient Egyptian.

Why I Can't Be Fearful

2010-04-08T11:39:00.000-07:00

Despite even the deepest understanding of the Reiki Principles of Mikao Usui I still find myself fretting. Admittedly, I didn't have concerns about how open I was about my faith until the quadruple homicide in this town. It wasn't the homicide (though it was horrible) as much as the accusations of occult ritual sacrifice that made me uneasy. I decided that I'd do my best to educate my community on alternative religions and the occult.

Sadly, my attempts did not quench my fears. The feelings of persecution or worse still persisted in my mind. These ideas ranged from the landlords "true intention" of a quarterly inspection (now bi-monthly) to potential hostility from the police. I spent a lot of energy wondering what they thought and what I thought they were plotting. Reality finally hit me.

Today, I read a blog post (I'm not linking to the blog in question for anonymity) where the blogger wrote about a ban on certain herbs. The wording of the post gave me the impression of a national ban on certain herbs. Even though it was vaguely written (and the author clearly didn't mean to imply such a thing), already I was in a panic.

I researched the bill in question so I could contact my respective polititican. I then learned the bill was a state ban and not a national ban. I then realized how paranoid I had become. I am so fearful of persecution that I became uncomfortable with my own life. My fears were unquenchable because fear itself is a thirsty creature.

Now I will begin to be mindful of my fears. I have to prioritize what's important in my life (bills, necessities, my business plan, etc) and ignore certain outlets. I must especially beware the fear mongers; they only wish to rouse the public for their own amusement. Fear is not amusing to me.

Giving Back to the Earth...in a Different Way

2010-04-08T03:02:00.000-07:00

I've found there are a myriad of reasons why I couldn't write. I tend to suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, I let myself get grumpy a bit, and use of my surroundings are just a few of my reasons. I'm slowly dealing with many of those problems, but the inspiration from my surroundings has given me a reason to pause.

When I lived in Kansas I had many sources for my inspiration. Ever since I was a child I loved being outdoors in some fashion. I spent so much time outdoors I found inspiration for my writing. I didn't garden, I didn't participate in a recycling program, I just drew inspiration from nature. Little did I know there would be a lesson for me around the bend.

I had writer's block for at least a year. Even a move didn't inspire me to write. I kept trying to get to the heart of the problem. Every time I thought I had found the root of the problem I discovered it wasn't anywhere near the cause of it. When the weather started to warm up and invite springtime flowers again it finally hit me why I couldn't write. Most of my time was spent taking inspiration and energy from my surroundings to write. What have I given back to the earth for this gift?

I've now decided to send Reiki into my environment. It not only serves as a wonderful gesture, but it returns energy back to my source of inspiration. The act alone has inspired me to write a little more often each day. There's a nice lesson for me in this, and it's a reminder that where one takes one must also give.

The Evening Ritual

2010-03-26T06:31:00.000-07:00

I'm concluding the basic shrine ritual series with my rendition of the evening ritual. Like the others, I've based this off of the ritual outline off of the Cult of Amun at the Temple of Karnak.

My rendition of The Evening Ritual takes the Mid Day Ritual Outline and varies it slightly. I have formula for locking and placing a seal on my shrine before burning incense. The incense that was customarily used in the evening was kyphi.

I've mentioned in other posts my outline is not guaranteed to be completely accurate. I do hope that it provides you, Reader, with a starting point for these rituals.

My Outline for the Evening Ritual

Preparations

1. Formula for lighting the fire

2. Formula for taking the censer

3. Formula for placing the offering-cup on the censer

4. Formula for placing the incense on the flame

5. Formula for proceeding to the sacred place

6. Another formula

Homage to the Deity

7. Formula for kissing the earth

8. Formula for placing oneself on one's stomach

9. Formula for placing oneself on one's stomach and stretching out

10. Formula for kissing the earth, face down

11. Another formula

12. Another formula

13. Adoration of Deity

14. Adoration of Deity

Ointment and incense

15. Formula for incense

Entry

16. Formula for entering the temple

17. Formula for entering the sanctuary of the deity

18. Another formula

19. Formula for going to the stairway

Facing the Shrine (Steps 20-27)

Repeat steps 7-14

The offering of the Goddess Ma'at

28. Formula for the offering of Ma'at

Incense

29. Formula for incense for the Nine Gods (= the other deities in the same temple)

The offering of Water

30. Formula for the four purifications of the four nemset-vessels of water

31. Formula for the four purifications of the four red vessels of water

32. Performing the purification with incense

Closing the ritual

33. Formula for the cup of water

34. Formula for incense

35. Formula for tying the seal-cord

36. Formula for clay seal

37. Formula for tying the seal-tie

38. Formula for incense

Mid Day Ritual

2010-03-24T02:31:00.000-07:00

I started off with an outline for the morning ritual yesterday and thought it was only fair to continue with a mid day ritual. I haven't found a sufficient mid day ritual so I cobbled one together of my own. Even though it's mostly conjecture I based it off of the morning ritual found for the Cult of Amun at the Temple of Karnak.

Most sources I've found state the mid day ritual is an abbreviated version of the morning ritual. I kept that in mind when I put together my rendition of the ritual, bearing in mind to have it focus on mostly the libations and offerings. I've also read that unlike the morning ritual (which does not specify which resin one burns) myrrh is burned where ever incense is called for this time of day.

I hope, Reader, you will find this as a great starting point to your own mid day ritual. Maybe your own research will enhance your understanding of the steps and learn which ones (if any) are more accurate.

My Outline for the Mid Day Ritual

Preparations

1. Formula for lighting the fire

2. Formula for taking the censer

3. Formula for placing the offering-cup on the censer

4. Formula for placing the incense on the flame

5. Formula for proceeding to the sacred place

6. Another formula

Homage to the Deity

7. Formula for kissing the earth

8. Formula for placing oneself on one's stomach

9. Formula for placing oneself on one's stomach and stretching out

10. Formula for kissing the earth, face down

11. Another formula

12. Another formula

13. Adoration of Deity

14. Adoration of Deity

Ointment and incense

15. Formula for incense

Entry

16. Formula for entering the temple

17. Formula for entering the sanctuary of the deity

18. Another formula

19. Formula for going to the stairway

Facing the Shrine (Steps 20-27)

Repeat steps 7-14

The offering of the Goddess Ma'at

28. Formula for the offering of Ma'at

Incense

29. Formula for incense for the Nine Gods (= the other deities in the same temple)

The offering of Water

30. Formula for the four purifications of the four nemset-vessels of water

31. Formula for the four purifications of the four red vessels of water

32. Performing the purification with incense

Closing the ritual

33. Formula for the cup of water

34. Formula for incense

35. Formula for censing with antyu (= myrrh?)

Daily Morning Ritual

2010-03-23T07:46:00.000-07:00

A while ago I found this site which contains the Daily Rite for the Cult of Amun at the Temple of Karnak. The papyrus dates from the Twenty-second Dynasty. I know some people aren't keen on following links, but this one is worth it. Should it ever become a dead link I've copied and pasted the outline in the following space.

The daily offering ritual for the cult of Amun at Karnak, as recorded in manuscript Papyrus Berlin 3055

Title of manuscript

Beginning of the formulae of offerings to the god made at the temple of Amun-Ra king of the gods in the course of every day by the principal pure-priest who is in his day of service

Preparations

1. Formula for lighting the fire

2. Formula for taking the censer

3. Formula for placing the offering-cup on the censer

4. Formula for placing the incense on the flame

5. Formula for proceeding to the sacred place

6. Another formula

Opening the shrine

7. Formula for breaking the seal-tie

8. Formula for breaking the clay seal

9. Formula for untying the seal-cord

Facing the image - hymns to the deity

10. Formula for opening the face (= introducing light to the face of the image)

11. Formula for seeing the deity

12. Formula for kissing the earth

13. Formula for placing oneself on one's stomach

14. Formula for placing oneself on one's stomach and stretching out

15. Formula for kissing the earth, face down

16. Another formula

17. Another formula

18. Formula for adoring Amun

19. Another adoration of Amun

Ointment and incense

20. Formula for the oil -festival-perfume' with honey

21. Formula for incense

Entry

22. Formula for entering the temple

23. Formula for entering the sanctuary of the deity

24. Another formula

25. Formula for going to the stairway

Facing the image

26. Formula for opening the face in festivity (= introducing light to the face of the image)

27. Formula for opening the face (= introducing light to the face of the image) (= no.10)

28. Formula for seeing the deity (= no.11)

29. Formula for kissing the earth (= no.12)

30. Formula for placing oneself on one's stomach (= no.13)

31. Formula for placing oneself on one's stomach and stretching out (= no.14)

32. Formula for kissing the earth, face down (= no.15)

33. Another formula (= no.16)

34. Another formula (= no.17)

Incense

35. Formula for incense

36. Another formula

Hymns to the deity

37. Adoration of Amun

38. Another

39. Another

40. Another adoration of Amun

41. Another adoration of Amun at dawn

The offering of the goddess personifying What is Right Maat)

42. Formula for the offering of Maat

Incense

43. Formula for incense for the Nine Gods (= the other deities in the same temple)

Robing the deity

44. Formula for placing one's hands on the deity

45. Formula for placing one's hands on the box for performing the purification

46. Formula for the four purifications of the four nemset-vessels of water

47. Formula for the four purifications of the four red vessels of water

48. Performing the purification with incense

49. Formula for the white cloth

50. Formula for donning the cloth

51. Formula for donning the plant-fresh cloth

52. Formula for donning the cloth of red-soaked linen

53. Formula for donning the idemi-cloth

Adorning the deity with scented oil and eye-paint

54. Formula for the offering of oil

55. Formula for the offering of oil for the daily offerings

56. Formula for offering the copper eye-paint

57. Formula for offering the lead eye-paint

Closing the ritual

58. Formula for spreading the sand

59. Formula for smin-natron at circuiting four times

60. Formula for the cup of natron

61. Formula for the cup of incense

62. Performing the purifications

63. Formula for smin-natron (= abbreviated version of no.59)

64. Formula for the cup of water

65. Formula for incense (= version of no.21/48)

66. Formula for censing with antyu (= myrrh?)

Additional formulae in other sources for the daily offering ritual

Among the formulae omitted in the ritual for Amun on Berlin 3055 (Moret 1902, 229-246), the versions in the temple of Sety I at Abydos include the following at the robing and anointing of the image:

Formula for tying the nemes-headcloth on the body

Formula for the was-sceptre, crook, flail, armlets, and anklets

Fastening the Double Plume crown on the head

Formula for placing the necklace (?) and counterpoise

Formula for tying the broad collar and rectangular pectoral

Update: Virginia Yoga Teachers Exempt

2010-03-10T12:04:00.000-08:00

I have a follow-up to an article I wrote earlier concerning the new regulations targeted at Yoga teachers. The laws now seem to exempt yoga teachers from state regulations. This means they won't have to pay a large amount of fees, including a $2,500 application fee.

I find this good news. What I had read about the premise for such regulations were out of concern for a thriving market of scam artists. However, yoga has its own way of certifying teachers. It is up to the student to ask their teacher questions about certification, how they the teacher's practiced, in addition to other things. One doesn't just enroll in the first school they find, so why should an individual sign up for a teacher whom they know nothing? This exemption puts some power back into the individual to make responsible decisions. It also acknowledges in a small way that not everyone in Virginia practices one of the Big Three, a major concern about faith relations I've observed while living here.

I can't wait to see how this develops.

One Year Old

2010-03-10T03:12:00.001-08:00

Yes, Reader, I'm one of those silly people who celebrate my blog. It, as of yesterday, is a year old. A heck of a lot has happened during that time. Some of the following happened to me:

* I moved across the country to live with my partner

* I managed to find a job only to leave it

* Implemented some activism

* Re-evaluate some of my thoughts

* Relearn some lessons I thought I learned

* Learned to let go of some things

* Learned to blog where I can

It doesn't seem like a long list to me. However the things I learned are more important than the length. I hope to see this blog grow in the next year and see what else I can learn.

Do What You Will (As Long As It's Mine)

2010-03-08T03:20:00.000-08:00

I have a few personal reservations about the ideals of the Neo-Pagan movement. One of my biggest ones is the contradictory notion of preaching about how all paths are valid, only to turn around and preach The Law of Return when I discuss my practice. This is usually followed by repeating that I'm a Kemetic Reconstructionist, which I then have to follow up with an explanation as to what my religion is. This annoys me for a few reasons: 1) it's assumed if I'm Pagan I must therefore be Wiccan, 2) I have to explain a belief to a person who obviously pretended to understand the first time I mentioned it, and 3) it borders on dogma.

I get tired of explaining to fellow Pagans that not everyone follows Wicca. Heck I've met Wiccans who don't believe in The Rede, let alone The Law of Return. If one accepts this fact then why bother preaching in the first place? If one accepts the idea that all paths are valid the same person must also accept that notions like "right" and "wrong" are subjective. One therefore cannot preach The Law of Return.

I feel anyone who must lecture about a belief, whether they understand said religion or not, also exude ignorance. Part of it goes back to who can question "right" and "wrong". The other part belongs to hubris. I think it is absolutely arrogant to give uninvited opinions about my religion. As far as I know the individuals who do this have no claim to authority to really anything but their understanding of Wicca. I feel it also shows how limited one's world view is when a person must force others into their understanding. I suspect some of this comes from a fear of asking questions. Of course, there is always the fear of something completely foreign that could threaten a perception. While I like to believe a person would dismiss such notions when pursuing that path I have been mistaken before...

Not everyone is comfortable with who they are. Religion is no exception. Ideally one practices a religion, or choses not to practice one as it may be, that compliments a person's beliefs. With this comfort the person can accept (or at least tolerate) others' beliefs. When people aren't comfortable with their beliefs, I've noticed a trend to feel persecuted or mold everyone to their belief structure.

It isn't to say this is necessarily a bad thing. I personally think it's human nature to try to will such things in order to feel a part of a group. I may find it incredibly annoying or absurd, but it's in our nature to form groups. We are more inclined to form groups when we don't feel comfortable standing alone. I suspect that is at the heart of the issue when people force The Law of Return down my throat: standing alone in a faith is hard to do.

I should learn to nod my head when someone spouts The Law of Return at me. I understand that fear of being alone in a faith that's as unique as it is remote from other members. I also understand it requires one to stand up that much more for what he or she may believe.

Why Spiritual Mapping Intrigues Me

2010-03-01T23:10:00.000-08:00

After I learned about the New Apostolic Reformation I thought I'd look into the movement a bit more. While I was very disturbed by what I found I discovered they use a technique called "spiritual mapping". From what I understand spiritual mapping is a type of prayer technique that allows an individual to "search out" areas that need evangelizing. It appears from what I can gather the system works as follows, according to this site:

The gatekeepers commission the watchmen to spiritually map their community. They act as spiritual covering.

The watchmen [sic] working in teams intercede, investigate [sic] and collate the relevant data.

The information is summarized in a series of reports released to the gatekeepers.

The gatekeepers decide on the appropriate action deemed necessary i.e. identification, repentance, spiritual warfare, reconciliation.

They lead and mobilize the watchmen into appropriate action- prayer walking, worship meetings, strategic level spiritual warfare [sic] and so forth.

The gatekeepers participate with the watchmen rather than just allocating them to the task.

If this is truly the method of spiritual mapping it comes off as something the Catholic Church does when evaluating someone for an exorcism. Even if it isn't it comes off as overly complicated for what they're trying to do. I don't understand why one would need approval to evangelize a place if a person feels it's needed, let alone approval to make a town a "better place" (I only put it in quotations because that is a very subjective term). Moreover I have a hard time finding what qualifies someone as a "gatekeeper" or a "watchman". The best I can find is an article that discusses what it means to be a gatekeeper. It gives me the impression that a gatekeeper can go around and do the same things as watchmen (e.g. actively make a place spiritually welcome) but seem to have a stronger connection to God- possibly something akin to an oracle. It doesn't seem to say how long one has to be a watchman before they can go to their place at gatekeeper, if they have to go through some sort of test, or if they are just handed the title. I probably won't find out anytime soon.

What is probably as interesting is what I found on another website. John Dawson, the person who seems to be credited with coining the concept, came up with a list of questions to focus on when mapping:

from "Taking Our Cities for God" by John Dawson (Lake Mary, FL: Creation House, 1989)

1.What place does your city have in your nation's history?
2. Was there ever the imposition of a new culture or language through conquest?
3. What were the religious practices of ancient peoples on the site?
4. Was there a time when a new religion emerged?
5. Under what circumstances did the gospel first enter the city?
6. Has the national or city government ever disintegrated?
7. What has been the leadership style of past governments?
8. Have there ever been wars that affected this city?
9. Was the city itself the site of a battle?
10. What names have been used to label the city and what are their meanings?
11. Why was the city originally settled?
12. Did the city have a founder? What was his dream?
13. As political, military and religious leaders emerged, what did they dream for themselves and for the city?
14. What political, economic and religious institutions have dominated the life of the city?
15. What has been the experience of immigrants to the city?
16. Have there been any traumatic experiences such as economic collapse, race riots, or an earthquake?
17. Did the city ever experience the birth of a socially transforming technology?
18. Has there ever been a sudden opportunity to create wealth such as the discovery of oil or a new irrigation technology?
19. Has there ever been religious conflict among competing religions or among Christians?
20. What is the history of relationships among the races?

I can't speak for anyone else, but I feel this list is so broad and vague that it could easily apply to anywhere in a negative way. It seems that since a google search on prayer maps turns up many results (including this one I found) my opinion isn't so hard to support.

The way I see it, this is a conglomeration of concepts and implementations that have existed since the Second Great Awakening, only with more of a paranormal investigator and New Age twist. I do have my concerns about it. The sheer amount of information available on prayer mapping, maps included, gives me the impression this is a concept gaining momentum. If I've learned anything during my few years on the planet it's one cannot always ignore certain people, places, or things. Sometimes educating oneself about what people believe and practice.

I have supplied what I'm certain is just a small portion of this technique called spiritual mapping. I leave it up to you, Reader, to decide if you want to learn more about a potentially powerful idea.

Reconstructing Rituals

2010-02-07T06:20:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine made a point to say creating one's own ritual is beautiful. He's right. The sense of peace I find in performing the daily ritual permeates throughout my morning. This serenity was unknown to me before I discovered Kemetic Reconstructionism. It provides me with a more tangible way of worship, a personal connection to one's gods, and other various positive attributes. What of the appeals for me was I could worship based on factual information. At the same time it also vexes me.

Unfortunately, reconstructing anything has a fallback: the fact-based information's availability. As a Kemetic Reconstructionist it's very hard to find some of the little things that make up a ritual. What I usually find in terms of contemporary practice usually falls under a Wiccan-based practice. What Egyptologists discuss are at best the outline or, more often, what they presumed happened without a specific outline of the ritual in question. For those who wish to practice a Kemetic-based practice this is very suitable. I personally would like to see some idea of the formulas used.

Nearly everything, if not everything, had a formula for Ancient Egyptian rituals. A large portion of those are still unknown as of this posting (or at least unknown to me). Most of my notes in my ritual formulae are based on educated guesses from the Pyramid Texts. What information I've found on the internet is scarce concerning what others use. I'm essentially left on my own to use my own judgment.

Finding out what goes and doesn't go into a ritual isn't always bad. I've learned a bit more about the language, the implications of certain words and acts, what "feels right", and how to craft accordingly. This means my rituals may change as more information comes in, but I know this means I come that much closer to the "true ritual". That's another thing I must remember- the grim truth about reconstruction is one can never fully reconstruct anything. It's not so much of a lack of evidence but a lack of objective. One person can never fully enter the head of another. That's why I've found outlines of rituals to be most helpful.

It's something which has led me to propose something to you, Reader. Any reconstructed ritual information has been rare as hen's teeth for me to find. I can only imagine how hard it is for someone else to find the information. I'm considering posting at the very least an outline of my reconstruction of the morning, mid day, and evening rituals. That way other Kemetic Reconstructionists have something of a starting point. I'm interested in hearing feedback from you, Reader.

I'm Not He-Man (nor Am I She-Ra)

2010-01-27T09:14:00.000-08:00

During my college years, my roommate and I sat down to watch some He-Man and She-Ra cartoons. We thought as a good joke we should use clips from He-Man and She-ra as our voice mail greeting. It not only brought back childhood memories, but it reminded me of why I liked those shows. I liked them because the heroes always knew what to do, and when they didn't they found someone who did. They were always in control of situation.

Reader, I have to confess something: I try really hard to control my life. I also much confess that I do a very poor job. I have found, however, that I am quite talented at giving my control away.
This isn't always a bad thing, right? Not always. Acknowledging one doesn't have control over everything in the universe is both humbling and healthy for boundaries. It becomes unhealthy when one relinquishes so much of the control that everyone and their dog controls one's life. Luckily my hyperbole hasn't come to fruition (yet), but after making a few lists I certainly feel like that hyperbole is factual.

I have felt incredibly dis-empowered while living in my current home. I finally made a couple of lists, one that examined what I have and another where I give up what I have. I found many of the things I consider important are relinquished to other people. I've found, while I have most of the basics covered (roof over my head, food, clothing, all my bills paid) I haven't earned them of my own abilities (my partner pays for most things, the power that I give people when they annoy me, et cetera). I have found this aspect leads to my feelings of dis-empowerment.

So what do I do? I've thought about it for a while. The solutions are simple in theory-find a job, sell off stuff I don't need, etc- but difficult in practice. Even if the odds of finding a job right now weren't abysmal I have the appeal of expired Limburger. Unlike the aforementioned copyrighted characters, I lack natural charisma. I've then learned to do something many people do not consider: I decided to read up on workplace conduct and etiquette in all its forms.

It's been progressive for me. I see in little ways where it's improve not only my confidence but also how I interact with others. I try to speak my mind more tactfully, I take someone aside and address any qualms personally, and in said issues I emphasize how I feel. I'm not perfect in everything with this endeavor. I've had my setbacks. However, I've learned to look at those as lessons and grow from them.

Learning has been vital to my empowerment. It creates a tool for me which I can grow and develop the self-reliance I feel I need. It provides a chance for me to err, it provides opportunities to learn about myself, and the ability to accept my inherent flaws. All of these work together and with the knowledge I use I gain knowledge about myself. Ultimately, this knowledge progresses my sense of personal power.

Even though I'm not perfectly built, charismatic, or have the power of Greyskull behind me I've learned I still have my own power.

Hodge Podge of Things

2010-01-21T23:38:00.000-08:00

I realized there are a few things I wanted to blog about, but I couldn't make it long enough to stand on its own.

Some pluggery: Dalton Reed, a comrade of mine, has found some insight into their workout that is worth noting. Even I, a high-energy person, find little spurts like this helps to keep that antsy feeling in check. It may not keep you fit, but it keeps the energy stable.

Meanwhile, another friend of mine has just started a blog to chronicle her exploits as a vegan in the Midwest. She's a person who's insightful, humorous, and ofttimes sarcastic as she weaves her way through the Breadbasket of the Country.

Some news: Those of you who keep up with the horse plaiting scandal that some attribute to witchcraft (ok, I read WitchVox every so often) there's a "confirmation". Kevin Carlyon, the self-proclaimed (yet unsubstantiated) High Priest of White Witches came forward and claimed it was the work of black witches with the purpose of witchcraft.

Quite frankly, it looks like the horse's hair is in need of brushing. Then again, I don't hang out with many of the equestrian persuasion. This alleged High Priest also reminds me of White Owl (kudos to you, Reader, if you know who and where I'm referencing!) I'm also certain no one believes that title but he.

Some thoughts: I know WitchVox is a guilty pleasure of mine, but I still find ways to look at some people with a confused look on my face. Mr. Joe Marra has posted a blog complaining about the materialism of the movement, the lack of connection to nature, and the ethics of teaching. Most of it I've touched on in other places (or it's just preaching to the choir), but he said one thing that always baffles me time and time again:

One time I found after working my way deep into a blackberry patch, that I had to walk backwards to get through safely, a hidden orchard that had been forgotten about by man, even though it had been planted there years ago. The fruit there was wonderful and sweet and completely free of poisons. I have sat for hours and watched the minnows playing the stream and got in myself and gone hunting for crawfish. No amount of book reading or study will teach you as much about magic as getting out into the world and experiencing it.

I've never understood why people equate awe-inspiring to magic. That's just nature. While I believe there is magic in nature, sometimes nature isn't magical. In its "normal state", nature is something that is parallel to our world, only more raw. The rules are the same, the backdrop is different. One tries, one learns, one succeeds, one fails, one dies in agony, another dies in peace, yet all of these lead to a tapestry of life. From learning we have to try more things, from failure another success can grow, a death nourishes a life. Yes, this will leave people in awe; I grew up constantly exposed to nature and still find those jaw-dropping moments. It is healthy to keep a sense of wonder and differentiate between wonder and magic.

That's all I really have for now. Please check out the blogs and help out that fellow blogger.

Prayers, Energy, and Charity for Haiti

2010-01-15T02:12:00.000-08:00

I was going to post a blog about certain limitations of spiritual counseling, but that will have to wait. I don't even need to link to the earthquake that hit Haiti just days earlier. Nonetheless, they need our help.

I encourage those who donate to do it. You don't even have to donate with money: non-perishable food, clothing, and other things have been welcomed in the past. While I haven't checked if any organizations are taking such donations, but like I've said, they've done it in the past and will probably do it now. The biggest challenge has been securing safety for volunteers as well as troubles with flights. Like I said, if you can donate, do it.

For those who can't donate money or goods keep Haiti in your prayers, spells, and energy work. Let's use our energy to protect the volunteers, help those who've passed and their loved ones left behind, and for those who still need help. Even the smallest effort means a lot to someone in need, and this is no exception.

There is also the option of setting up drives and volunteering. If you can, do it. If you can set up a drive, do it. This is a time for the world to pull together.

We are all on this planet and the only thing that divides us is the sense of separation.

Spiritual Counseling: Some Word of Caution

2010-01-06T05:48:00.000-08:00

While I won't go into the ethics of counseling (nor should anything in this article be construed as a legal source or advice), I feel after a recent event some things should be addressed that I (once again) don't feel are adequately done in the community. In order to claim the title of spiritual counselor for anything one should consider the restrictions this title can place on an individual. While this isn't legal advice and can't educate you on the laws of your state

One such restriction is to what religious practice is accepted by certain religions. In order for someone to claim to practice anything one must have some sort of credentials. A spiritual counselor, therefore, needs a church to recognize them as a spiritual counselor in terms of their practice. For example, if one wants practice Reiki and claim it's a religious counseling service, one should first be a member of a group that uses Reiki and seen as a spiritual counselor second. It does no good to give spiritual counseling if no one thinks of a person as a spiritual counselor.

Another trend I've noticed is some people think the claim of spiritual counselor is just a loop hole. This is far from the case. I think every state in the US requires spiritual counselors to be licensed. If not, it's certainly advisable to be licensed. That means one has to go through quite a bit of training for such a title, and such a title doesn't replace any other form of counseling.

Sadly I've heard of practitioners all too often who claim this title and think it's carte blanche to practice however they please, which includes trying to treat a psychological issue. Simply put a spiritual counselor can't play doctor or psychologist. If caught the ramifications are intense; practicing medicine without a license tends to have hefty fines and often jail time. Moreover such punishments have a tendency to end careers.

Before claiming "spiritual counselor" in terms of a service, it's best to check the local laws about what is necessary for a service and get the proper licensing. It will ease many pains on the pocketbook down the road, as well as other legal woes.

New Year, New Two Pennies

2009-12-30T23:55:00.000-08:00

As we reached the end of 2009 I got the feeling I will find the upcoming year interesting. This past year saw many changes for me and some eye-opening experiences. There was one in particular that really made me pause for a few days.

This of course is the recent event in Chesterfield County, Virgina where a Tarot reader has filed suit. It seems as if a Tarot reader was shut down due to what she feels were discriminatory laws. On the surface, it's hard to say what is going on with this case. After I found the affidavit, however, things became more clear. At the same time, this just exacerbates the very fuzzy line concerning religion and spirituality in this country.

In the affidavit, the laws concerning fortune-telling define fortune teller at the chief of police's discretion. Moreover, these laws have registration fees for said fortune telling which were not disclosed at the time the Tarot reader registered her business. This one fact clues me in to how antiquated this law may be; if they aren't telling you about it when you register, then it's pretty obscure (that, and the necessity of five letters vouching for your "good, moral character" is not recent law language). I suspect someone had some resentments about the reader running her business within their vicinity, someone who knew to look for obscure laws. Without proof to back my claim, though, it's just a suspicion and not an accusation. This is the same state where I was told to bring all the wrong documentation to get my license over, after all.

I feel, however, this isn't the most important issue. It's very clear the laws concerning "fortune tellers" will be addressed since they're vague and not disclosed. The biggest, and what is the weakest, part of the reader's case is she claimed her occupation was a "spiritual counselor". In most parts of the country, if not all, require anyone (Tarot reader or otherwise) who claims such a position to have some sort of religious backing. In other words, if you're a spiritual counselor you gotta have a religious organization who can vouch for your credentials. It's unclear as to whether Ms. King has such backing. It presents the issue of pagans and organizing, one of the utmost glaring issues for pagans I've seen.

Truthfully, Reader, most pagans aren't members of legally-recognized organizations. While many are fighting and winning based on discriminatory laws, there are some who get shut down because they can't prove they are a "legitimate religion". While it is "the law", how much is relaxed for mainstream religions is apparent. Many groups who are independent (not registered with an association that would recognize the church as following a certain religion) Methodists or Baptists, for example, have no problem doing the same thing as fortune-tellers. Recourse for their actions can happen, but not after bilking people out of large sums of money.

In theory much of the problem for pagan spiritual counselors can be curbed by filing any group for a 501 (c) 3 status, but what about clergy? Granted there is at least one seminary for where pagans can get it, but it's just one of a very few. While many finding it appealing to not have the pagans organize, more incidents such as this case may call it into question. I have heard where the organization trains its own clergy, but does this count in the eyes of the law?

I hope Ms. Sofie King the best with her lawsuit. I also hope for a brighter, less jaded, new year for everyone.

Relgion and Spirituality

2009-12-08T02:33:00.000-08:00

I found an article on religion from my alma mater 's newspaper while scouring the internet. I found it interesting on the account that it not only deals with the ordeal of challenging one's faith, but it also has a passage that made me pause:

Minister Holcombe said religion should not simply provide answers just to relieve anxiety. He said he has seen churches and religions manipulate by providing answers. But he said other churches and religions just take someone in to listen to their troubles and supports them.

“It’s more about the questions,” Holcombe said. “Finding places where they could raise those big questions and talk about and maybe get some tentative answers[..."]

It's always a breath of fresh air for me when a clergymember can say no religion has all the answers. It's even more refreshing when the same individual acknowledges many churches out there exploit the discrepancies between religions.

Religion is just one method of providing a human a compass. However, I also believe that's why spirituality is so important; if religion is a compass, spirituality is the compass arrow. Our experiences provide a connection to a Higher Power in ways many cannot relate. It's personal, but it also acknowledges the Higher Power in our daily lives. I never could understand how people can talk about entering the "world of the mundane" for this reason. Spirituality answers the questions religion can't.

Religion serves as a foundation, to give us a frame of explaining the world around us. It explains how a Higher Power(s) work, personal and social conduct, and some ways to connect with a Higher Power. While religion can't answer all questions, it certainly can provide answers to many of the important ones.

Another beautiful thing about religion and spirituality is that both change over time. It changes because people change. As we grow we realize there are things we can incorporate, dismiss, or examine with our spirituality. While religion is a bit harder to dismiss with certain attributes it can be done with an understanding of what is core to the religion. This is why I believe it is important for people to truly examine their beliefs.

Religion and spirituality truly complement each other because they fill in one other's gaps. It also serves as a means to develop a connection to one's Higher Power .

My Love-Hate Relationship with "The Secret"

2009-12-05T18:47:00.001-08:00

"For a headache: cast the spell, take the aspirin." - a friend on the concept of action and magic

I must admit, Reader, I'm not a complete fan of the concept of attraction (I refuse to call it "the law of attraction") or visualization. I do believe one can manifest something based on their outlook, but it's taken to realms where I feel it was never meant to go.

The most common argument I've heard against these concepts is how it trivializes growth and achievement. Mostly, books like The Secret are purported to do this by promoting a spiritual lethargy and an undeserved sense of self-entitlement. I could see it happening in extreme cases, especially ones of misunderstanding, who would feel all they had to do was sit on their haunches and do nothing. Not everyone is like that, however. My concerns rest in an additional area.

I personally see where there's a chance to place people in a moral compromise. The over-simplicity of such a lifestyle implies in order for one person to gain somebody must lose. After all, where does one expect the Universe to pull these things from? While sometimes this means somebody loses a quarter or so, it can have other consequences. One idea that comes to mind consists of people who trap others for human trafficking. What if such a person uses these tactics to gain victims, especially in climates of poverty? It implies the victims are on the same frequency, and somehow just as wrong or deserving of a horrible fate. It ignores the whole picture of a situation in lieu of a "just-world" mindset. On the other hand, I can't find too much fault in people who have that mentality.

In my first blog post I addressed how I shouldn't worry too much because what I worry about will manifest. I should have gone into a deeper explanation as to how exactly I meant that phrase, but I guess there's no time like the present. The reason they manifest is because one sets themselves up for a mindset where they believe it's already there in the now. Instead of focusing so much on my concerns, I should address my concerns in a conducive way.

For example, let's say I was worried about getting kicked out of my apartment. Instead of worrying, I focus on how I have everything handled. This leaves me open to figure out why I was worried in the first place. Maybe I was worried about not having money for rent, or I was worried about the mold growing up the wall and I had to find a new place fast. I can then deal with the real root of the problem. Visualization and positive thinking are as useful as a drill bit unattached to an electric drill if they aren't paired with grounded thinking and action.

I feel that should be the true premise to any self-help book: these mindsets are platforms and not the act of diving off. It isn't guaranteed to bring what one wants, but it will keep a helpful mindset. Positive thinking and picturing herself cured of cancer didn't help one of my mother's friends beat cancer, though she used it to make her peace with the world before she left it.

As long as one is willing to act with the mind, positive thinking and visualization are helpful in realistic doses. Figuring out what is realistic will require experience with these tactics. One may even find these don't fit into their toolbox of mental or spiritual approaches.

Virginia: Not for Yoga Teachers?

2009-12-03T23:57:00.000-08:00

There was a bit of legislation that I seemed to have missed while living in this commonwealth. There was a law recently passed in Virginia where yoga teachers who run a business of creating new teachers must now apply for licensing. The backlash has made waves, to a point where some assert the move is a violation of their civil rights. I have to say, it's an interesting topic for me. I question whether it's a violation of freedom of speech, but depending on the intentions of the teacher I'd argue freedom of religion.

What many people fail to realize is yoga isn't just about "getting in shape". Yoga is a practice with strong ties to Eastern religions. It encompasses a meditation discipline and diet, more than what a teacher may divulge (or know) in a YMCA class. It basically is a way of higher spiritual learning. Sticking government fingers into spiritual practices appear disingenuous. Given my few encounters with Virginian culture so far it seems I'm not alone in this sentiment.

At the same time, I understand the government's concern. I could see where they want to ensure people aren't getting screwed by those with shady credentials. What they may not realize is yoga has preventative measures already. Most Asian disciplines have a lineage system. If you are qualified to teach then you will have a lineage. The exception to this are the more contemporary forms emerging, but those provide certificates in lieu of lineages. The internet serves as an incredible tool into researching questionable credentials from there.

The State Council addressed concerns for protecting the monetary investments for the students. I understand a need to protect from potential frauds running off with money, but there is no way to guarantee true protection. If one looks up many accrediting associations, one will be shocked to discover how many schools are essentially accrediting themselves. It stems from an inability in the U.S. government to directly approve of academic institutions in order to operate a school. The social aspect is a contributing factor as well. Many in our society have the belief something must be legitimized by some credential(s). While it is a useful mindset, it's not foolproof. The only fraud protection is proper information on yoga and how to find a yoga teacher.

What I see mostly is an issue that leaves institutions between a rock and a hard place: do they regulate something all under one umbrella (and possibly a religion), or do they allow private organizations to regulate on their behalf? What are the ramifications if no one address the legitimacy of some teachers? The only real solution I can suggest is to provide a registry for those who wish to teach the more spiritual aspect and licensing for those who wish to focus on the fitness aspect of yoga. That way, those who feel there's more of a religious intention with yoga feel less violated while fitness instructors have their bases covered as a trade. It's a horrible compromise for so many reasons, but it at least addresses the true issue.

Thelema Fortune Cookies

2009-11-23T19:33:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd share an eerily humorous fortune from a fortune cookie I got today:

"Love is the law, love under will."

Has Aleister Crowley reincarnated as a fortune cookie writer? Has a fortune cookie writer read The Book of the Law one too many times? Or did this said writer channel Ra Hoor Khut? Who knows. Either way it's incredibly funny and spooky with the timing of it.

UPG

2009-11-22T17:54:00.000-08:00

There is one trend in the Neo-Pagan movement and many alternative religions I've always wanted to address: the concept of Unverified Personal Gnosis, also known as UPG. For those of you who aren't familiar with this idea, it's a philosophy that there are certain things where only a person can experience them and there's no documentation to verify this person's experience as "factual". An example of this would be if someone experiences Hathor accepting offerings of chocolate. Chocolate didn't exist in Ancient Egypt, so this falls under something the worshiper experiences solely and therefore UPG.

I don't have a problem with UPG for the most part. For those of us who are practicing Old World Religions in the New World it occurs a bit since some things just aren't available over here, let alone some information isn't available period. Moreover, some ancient worshipers had something of their own practices independent of what was officially practiced, such as Ancient Egypt. In that sense, UPG is very plausible within reason. The key phrase here is "within reason".

I've noticed a trend where people use UPG as the sole mean to "research" their religion. In other words, it becomes a crutch for improper research. It has been the cause of some instances where I encounter people who claim Hathor is a moon goddess (and completely ignore the solar horned disc upon Her head) because "it feels right and therefore must be accurate". It gets troubling and irksome for many people because it leads to poor practices and sometimes complete disrespect of a deity, especially in my example when one considers the moon is masculine in Ancient Egypt.

Poor research leading to poor practice is not my only concern, of course. Poor research spouted at the right person reflects poorly on those of alternative religions. People come to the conclusion many of us not only disregard history but are lackadaisical in our beliefs and practices. It has led to some of the problems with credibility. I experienced many instances where people found out I was pagan and any intellectual respect for me was lost. Considering I had proven my knowledge and prowess repeatedly beforehand I considered it a major blow. These prejudices didn't come out of the blue. When I asked about the change of attitude I found these people came to the conclusion out of repeated experiences with people who chose not to properly research or explain.

UPG is permissible, but when introduced should come with a stronger word of caution. It is there for people who experience something where there's no way to verify it (and expressed as such). UPG is not, however, there to justify experiences that are historically inaccurate. The way to remedy this problem is through researching experiences. Sometimes this means reading an Egyptologist's essay about Hathor and Her attributes. Sometimes this means asking Kemetic recons about Hathor and a possible lunar deity role. Sometimes it means scouring the library because there isn't anyone nearby to give a simple answer. It is a bit of work, but proper veneration is better than placating one's whim.

The Don Rimer Lecture

2009-11-16T11:30:00.000-08:00

Reader, I have attended the lecture given at the local church. Mr. Rimer gave a lecture that left me feeling a lot more confident in educating the community and possibly bring a better understanding to others. Mr. Rimer made it a point to say he like Westerns (namely John Wayne) so I thought I'd continue this same spirit with a reference to one of my favorite Westerns (which includes my favorite Western actor, Clint Eastwood) in my highlights.

The Good: Mr. Rimer has presented a very accurate picture of Wicca, and even depicted how most believe and practice. He has also admitted he is not the "be all, end all" expert, nor is he talking about law-abiding pagan and occultists. He also paints a rudimentary, yet realistic, picture of the goth and emo cultures.

He also has used some of the suggestions people gave at the Wild Hunt blog, thus confirming it was Mr. Rimer who posted. In fact, one of the first things I did when handed his pamphlet for the lecture was looked at his sources just to check. He has also stated his "go-to" people, and with some have included their credentials. Mr. Rimer also made a point to convey many Wiccans are community oriented and active citizens.

Even though I'm sure he had some gag order of sorts, Mr. Rimer also made it clear he will not discuss the recent homicide in Farmville, VA. I commend him for that, especially since I would've unloaded with recent discoveries (though I think he found some way to address it without directly addressing it. Sometimes, if I didn't know better, I would've thought more people read my blog).

The Bad: Wicca is the only thing he really has accurate information on concerning religions. I approached him after his lecture to address this concern, and he explained Wiccans are the only ones who have approached him. I have volunteered to help with what little knowledge I can provide.

He also doesn't distinguish otherkin are their own sub-culture, nor are they separated from goth (namely he dealt with vampires and werewolves). He does not distinguish between some sexual fetishes and goth culture either. I'll concede some of the fetishes are found openly in goth culture, but not everyone practices them.

Another brief moment, one which I shall address Mr. Rimer about, is the issue of plastic shamans. I suspect he encountered one or two and assumed this was the norm for occult, pagan, and metaphysical communities. He addressed it with some disdain, which left me (a now certified tarot reader) a little uncomfortable with the image he's giving to those outside of metaphysical communities.

In short, we still need to educate him on sub-cultures and odds and ends with pagan and occult beliefs.

The Ugly (aka Downright Creepy): While I'm sure Mr. Rimer didn't fully intend for some of his statements to come off the way they have, it left me feeling uneasy as a person. The two most ostentatious elements were where he bragged about the various confiscated ritual items he claimed to own and how he attended many of these social functions armed with a gun and / or police escorts.

The former issue of confiscated items, especially when the majority of cases dealt with minors, leaves me questioning his motives and the legalities of such acts. How did he acquire such things? Why does he wish to own such things? We only saw one or two in the slideshow, so the motive doesn't appear to be as teaching tools. If they are trophies, why feed that aspect of oneself? If it's a police bluff tactic, and wishes to play on the psychological ideas of that, then one should question his motives for even the lecture.

The latter issue concerns me out of not only legalities concerning his status to carry a gun and where he's carrying them, but the fact he didn't alert these groups to bringing additional people. I understand the need to protect oneself these days (heck, I remember when someone tried to abduct me in broad daylight). For me, there's also an issue of courtesy. Some of these functions have refreshments, and if there isn't a clear idea of how many are attending refreshments may end up short. Plus it comes off as someone trying to "play cowboy". The parties involved may not have said anything because they are trying to be polite or feel intimidated. On the other hand, it's possible I'm just projecting my concerns onto parties who don't care.

I think that just about covers everything. I will keep you all updated to the discussion panel and how it turns out.

A Moment to Gloat

2009-11-04T14:00:00.000-08:00

It was released recently in the case of the quadruple homicide in Farmville that it may not be so occult in nature afterall. According to WTVR, "At least three of the four victims found slain in a Farmville home last month had been bludgeoned with a wood-cutting maul [...]" Ok, very horrific. However, after a bit of digging it was revealed by the same station that"As CBS 6 reported two weeks ago, the key murder weapon was a wood-cutting maul., which was found – stained – in the kitchen. The stained knife was found in a bedroom and a ball peen hammer – no stains noted by police – was found in another bedroom."

Hmm, this is a little more interesting. It's starting to look like they were murdered with stuff lying around the home. I can't imagine anyone flying down to Virginia with a knife and a hammer, let alone a type of axe. You can't get a knife, even an athame, onto a plane without confiscation at the very least. I would love to hear Mr. Rimer try to explain how this is still a "Satanic in nature" ritual as he was quoted in this article. Which system of occult, pagan, or any sort of religion okays everyday tools for ritual practice- especially so for any form of sacrifice? Kitchen witchery maybe, but they don't have soylent green spells as much as bread spells.

I will love to hear what Mr. Rimer has to say in response to the findings with his upcoming lecture warning people of the "dangers of the occult". I would also like an explanation for the url referring to him as "Pop Rimer". I hope this is just something I've misconstrued. Otherwise it looks like he's pulling a few common persuasion tactics, especially when paired up with loaded words like "Alarming Trend" to convey a sense of something to fear.

I hope, Reader, my attempt to create a discussion panel I'm putting together at the same church will not only happen but also show the parishioners what is really happening. I hope they will at least understand the facts and help to create ground for true community. Let's not allow fear mongering continue to rip apart communities.

Double Standards

2009-10-22T04:48:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago I had a job interview. It was by far the most unprofessional interview I had ever experienced, and it wasn't necessarily all on my part. Admittedly I wasn't stellar close to the end (I didn't maintain eye contact and stumbled on a few answers), but the person interviewing me made it very clear that firm had no interest in hiring me (which wasn't helped when the interviewer introduced himself with "Hi, I only have a few minutes for this and I'm double - booked as it is"). After the interview I steamed over the crass demeanor, plethora of inappropriate questions ("Do you even know how this industry works?" is not an appropriate question to ask someone who's only applying for a clerical job), and the overall lack of professionalism (both people who were to interview me were said to be out on "dental appointments"). Some time later after talking to people in the know, I got an answer as to why the firm may have treated me that way: apparently my professional demeanor is threatening.

Quite frankly, I was shocked. I felt my professional attire was lacking-but still passable-for a workplace, my language disorder ruins my syntax and grammar (though therapy has allegedly rendered my pronunciation of words excellent), and my resume is lackluster despite following the proper form. Nonetheless, I was told that made me a very apparent outsider and quite threatening as a woman. pparently I'm to be articulate, but not so much that people who use "y'all" feel intellectually insulted. I am to keep makeup conservative, but not so conservative that I look naturally attractive. I am to have impressive qualifications, but not so impressive that someone feels professionally threatened. As I pondered this more my shock turned into anger.

Reader, I was angry that after years of improvements for women in the workplace I and others like me still had to deal with these double standards. A It made me wonder if I simply tried to place that person in one of the boxes for the workplace. Was this yet another victim of the double standard, a victim like me? Was this a lperson who wanted to appear professional yet not threaten people's gender stereotypes? Until I learned this person had a reputation for calling the employees names I would have said yes.

My mind, though, continued to mill over the concept of ever-prevalent double standards in our society. My mind went to the pagan community and the prevalent double standards there. Women are to be sexual, but not so sexual as to support the Madonna-whore complex. Women are to age gracefully, so as not to offend with their looks. Women priestesses are to be older, but just young enough as to not be deemed "feeble-minded" nor too young as to be inexperienced. And one can't forget the male double standards: he must be macho, but not overly so; he must revere women, but in doing so he looks weak. Some may think I'm reaching or thinking in the extremes, but I've seen my share of these "expected" roles.

I think thought about how these came about and whether or not we can change them. I still haven't pinpointed any cause or causes, but like anything I believe we can change it. I think we should challenge our perceptions constantly and ask ourselves why we believe certain things should be a certain way, in addition to questioning how conducive these mindsets are.

Plastic Shamans: a Word of Note

2009-10-16T17:16:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I had been thinking about writing something about this for quite a while. Many Pagan and New Age circles don't properly address this issue, something which I wish they would and it's long overdue. However, after yet another slew of sweat lodge deaths (Reader, you would be amazed at how many sweat lodge deaths don't go public. I should also say, though, I'm in no way saying Mr. Ray is a fraud. I don't know enough about his practices or him to make such a claim) I think I'll be opportunistic and take some initiative.

For those of you who don't know a plastic shaman is a derogatory word for someone, usually of European descent, who goes around selling their services or products as something akin to "authentic" Native American. In fact, most of the information they give are just New Age practices sprinkled with some exoticism. These people are considered bad for many reasons:

1. They portray many Native American cultures through various stereotypes or downright erroneous information;

2. They fool many unknowing people into believing said information for hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars per session;

3. The misinformation has hurt and killed people;

4. Many Native Americans consider it a form of culture rape;

5. It can foster criminal activity. There are stories floating everywhere about how some plastic shaman will ask women to be nude for certain ceremonies or engage in sexual practices and call it "ritual".

When one looks at these reasons, one must wonder why more in our communities aren't doing our part to educate ourselves for protection and to build communities. When one wishes to separate from learning Native American practices from the plastic shaman practices some common sense must be used: be wary of anyone who claims to bestow great power and secrets on you for cash, research said person, attempt to verify any credentials, and if it feels uncomfortable don't engage. One incredible source for learning about this, as well as some signs of plastic shamans, is the New Age Frauds & Plastic Shamans site. Their forum is full of useful information and very knowledgeable members.

Maybe since this incident has made its way into the news the New Age and Pagan communities can finally take action and put an end to this rampant spread.

Coping and 2012

2009-10-15T03:26:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I usually try to ignore doomsday stuff. On the other hand, I can't help but get drawn in to the 2012 doomsday fodder going around. What really intrigued me was this passage more than anything:

It's unique in that the remaining parts contain the equivalent of the date 2012. The inscription describes something that is supposed to occur in 2012 involving Bolon Yokte, a mysterious Mayan god associated with both war and creation.

While there are a few gods and goddesses out there who simultaneously encompass both or similar aspects, it's primarily interesting to note these deities aren't confined to one continent. It isn't anything new to examine the implications of such things in a deity, but it serves as a nice reminder the current events in my life are just the flux of things.

Many things have gone wrong in my life: I was blown off by a prospective employer for a greatly-needed job, due to a fluke I may become a mother, and I don't even have money to pay for basics regardless of a possible child. It really feels like my world is crumbling and fast. I have to remind myself today these are leading to better and greater things. I know there are a few people, even though it requires swallowing my pride, who would float me a loan for the basics. There is no guarantee I am even pregnant right now, so I can't worried about something I can't confirm. As for employment...

I'm opening a metaphysical store.

After a few tarot readings, speaking with pagans in the community, major soul searching, and recent events-including the flaky, prospective employer- I've decided to create a place where community and understanding is possible. Honestly, this will most likely start as an online store and eventually include a storefront. It won't be easy at all. The online competition is incredible serves as an understatement. If and when I have a storefront I will most likely meet animosity from many people, not all of them Christian. Contributing to the community from an online front will be even more of a challenge. I know I can do it.

As with many gods who are associated with destruction in some form, something sprouts. Right now, I'm sprouting new hope about my life that's seemingly rubble.

An Open Letter to Investigator Hogan of the Farmville Police Department

2009-10-07T11:49:00.000-07:00

Investigator Hogan:

In light of the recent quadruple homicide I understand your force is trying to handle it by looking at all angles. However, I discovered in a recent news article that your force has recruited Don Rimer to help investigate alleged occult practices.

Don Rimer is known to have a very Christian bias that prevails in his practice. This article, written by a former police officer, is just one of many whom question this man. I, as someone who practices the occult, question anyone who hastily generalizes anything so gruesome as occult and linked with music. I also question what true evidence Mr. Rimer has concerning the occult. Where did he practice? Did he ever practice? If so, how long? I, someone who practices the occult, came to your police station just last night with several occult books in hand ready to point out how the information released in the news story is inconsistent with occult practices. Instead, I was led on a wild goose hunt that ended with a voice mail. I understand how a random person coming into the police station has possibly no more credentials than this alleged expert, but I can actually cite sources which uphold my claim of inconsistency.

This IS NOT an attempt to disassociate individuals without basis; for all I know the suspect considers himself an occultist. However when once examines Alistair Crowley, Cornelius Agrippa, and A.E. Waite concerning rituals of such manner one thing stands consistent: a circle must be cast. Based on the information in the given news article no such thing was indicated, only alleged symbols. While the reasoning differs in Magic: In Theory and Practice, The Fourth Book of Occult Philosophy, and The Book of Black Magic by each respective author (Crowley cites the reason as to keep the spirit in since spirits leave the body at the time of death, while Waite and Agrippa cite its necessity to protect the spellcaster) the theory that a circle must be cast still stands.

Moreover, funny-looking symbols don't necessarily indicate occult activities. In the book Lucifer Rising the author points out how people who listen to this music and engage is such activities, as alleged in the case of the suspect, are actually people who know little or nothing about the occult and are in fact copying what the mainstream claims is occult. If you wish to see actual occult symbols for comparison many occult books are available, including: The Keys of Solomon; The Three Books of Occult Philosophy; Alchemy and Mysticism; The Book of the Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage; Transcendental Magic: Its Doctrine and Ritual;and The Lesser Keys of Solomon.

I mainly write so openly because such generalizations ultimately hurt the community. There are already incredible tensions between Christian and Non-Christian communities within the area, and jumping to conclusions-let alone misinformed ones- only exacerbate the situation. Without an accurate, clear understanding of lesser-known communities things do not progress and improve. As a member of the police force I hope you understand my concerns.

I implore you, Investigator, to please not use people who are questionable for such accusations. Instead reach out to the local community here for experts.

Magic

2009-10-05T09:44:00.000-07:00

I was speaking with some of my friends this weekend and the topic of magic came up. It was interesting because they were convinced they did not practice black magic of any sort. Bindings, however, did not count as black magic either.

"However," I pointed out, " depending on which source you go to black magic is defined as anything for personal gain. Waite is one who uses that definition." My point was quickly glossed over while the person continued to insist they were very conscious of their actions. I do commend my friends for understanding magic isn't a toy, but at the same time I felt inspired to write about this incident where my disagreements could take root somewhere.

I know it's old hat for many by now, but it still amazes me that people still view magic in terms of "black" and "white" as if they're "good" and "bad". Magic is no more aligned with such things than a bed is aligned with nightmares or good dreams. Magic is magic. Only we can define what is ethical or even upholding our integrity. That will depend on the person and / or culture.

Even if one has a solid definition of such things, one will always perform something "black". Take, for instance, in the case of a binding spell someone binds a person from doing magic. That bound person may not be able to do magic if they're harming you, on one hand, but on the other that may prevent them from doing a healing spell they immensely need. Maybe they threw that harmful magic at the caster because all they needed was to heal in the first place, but acted poorly. It isn't always clear cut where "good" and "bad" lay.

At best, one can look at magic as something in flux. It can be used to create good actions, which in turn can create a bad action. It is something any magic user must understand and accept as consequence.

Mercury Retrograde: A Different Perspective

2009-09-28T02:12:00.000-07:00

I'm one of many people who dread Mercury retrograde. For those who may not know what it is, it is a period where it looks as if the planet Mercury is moving backwards in the sky. Mercury retrograde is most noted for breakdowns in communication and travel...or so I like to think.

I've thought about it lately, especially since we're in Mercury retrograde for a couple of days, and I can't help but think my perspective is wrong. Perhaps rather than looking at things as a "breakdown" I should take this time to re-examine how I communicate in the first place. I'm certain it will mean taking more note of how I communicate outside of retrograde, but I think it's a healthy way to approach any sort of retrograde should that prove effective.

If one really thinks about it, Reader, if things appear to be "in reverse" then is it really a breakdown in the first place? Even if one considers the planets in physical reverse can a person even say the influences of such things are reversed as well? Rather than forwards, backwards, "malfunction", or what have you, it should possibly be viewed as nothing more than an evaluation and rethinking approaches during those times. Anything learned, moreover, could make us better for it to carry on when a celestial body goes direct.

I'm not sure how such things will turn out, but I'm willing to give it a shot. I'll have to record things and see how it goes from there.

Happy Mabon

2009-09-21T20:29:00.000-07:00

I would like to wish all of those who observe Mabon a happy one. May your harvest, in whatever form, continue in a prosperous manner.

The Fall Equinox has a bit of a different meaning for me. Around this time each year, I have some form of an anxiety attack (I suspect it's PTSD in part to events I can remember and from what people said had occurred) which has a very bad end result. However, combined with an understanding of my symptoms, Reiki, and focusing on the moment I have made it through fine compared to other years. I haven't had a full attack (yet, fingers crossed) and hope to keep it that way. I should note, though, that what worked for me may not work for you and only a trained professional should advise you on mental health.

My method, though, did get me to think about this time of the year. Some people think of this time as a balance between light and dark in our lives on all levels, with the year inclining more to darkness. I see in my life where a combination of positive and negative attributes balance as well, and in past years this inclination to darkness within myself lead to some unsavory results. I am attempting to keep a positive attitude, I send myself Reiki, and keep aware of how this positive demeanor impacts those around me. My tedency for an attack around this time, my recent misanthropic views on government, and the impact that negativity has on my wellbeing plays into my state of self as well. These parallels come together to create a balance of sorts.

Balance is important for everything. Our bodies, our environment, even the cosmos, always strive to reach a state of balance. Sometimes this strive for homeostasis is explosive, sometimes the attempt to balance slow. Balance is something we strive for, and even when we reach it we have to begin again. I have to be reminded of this not only in my observances, but with my conversations with others. Not only is the attempt to balance ongoing in each moment, but what is positive and negative are constantly in flux for it. One day one of our attributes is positive, the next it is negative and vice versa. It is understanding what is going on that the flux becomes our attribute.

This Mabon, while things are starting to move towards darkness I will look at this and pause at these growing shadows. These shadows cannot exist without light, and therein lies the meaning of the season for me.

The Importance of Words

2009-09-14T13:41:00.000-07:00

"There is [no] taxing of the scribe. He does not have dues. So take note of this." - Reminder of the Scribe's Superior Status, translated by William Kelly Simpson

Once again, I dropped the ball on this blog. Admittedly, I let it happen due to an illness (I surmise a secondary infection) and my ongoing job hunt. Since I felt defeated by the pile of rejection letters and evasive potential employers I also felt uninspired to write.

It was at this time I decided to tackle some of my spiritual issues. After failed attempts to meditate due to an inability to concentrate and center, I escaped in reading. I started to read Reminder of the Scribe's Superior Status, which is a letter from one scribe to another who had left to work a "mundane" job. The last three sentences, which are at the start of this blog, struck a chord with me.

Words have power. Most of that power originates in what we put in them. It's a part of the reason why people have the power to incite mobs or bind people in matrimony. Any seasoned magic user, writer, or orator can confirm this idea. I feel if more people understood the power behind words their conversations would reflect this more accordingly. Absolutely everyone has some power when they can use language. A person who can use language responsibly is even more powerful.

The three sentences in Reminder in turn reminded me why I bothered to get a Creative Writing degree. It reminded me why I bothered to teach myself to read and write when I discovered I could do neither. It's also the same reason why I feel the scribes in Ancient Egypt were highly regarded. Words come with power, and with that power is knowledge; the two aren't independent. Anyone who can safekeep while use such power and knowledge proves not only their own, but also the power and knowledge of others.

What scribes guard and is most likely why they didn't have to pay any fees, at least in my eyes and theirs. Those who harbor and use the power of words perform a task which is beyond any monetary value. Without such people, we are powerless.

Reader, if for only one post I realize there is much power in my blog. I'm not the only one putting power into it, though; when you read my blog, post a comment, or even pass on the words I write you place power into it as well. Therefore, it empowers you when you add to it. Keep your words well, for therein lies your power and knowledge.

Counting My Blessings

2009-09-04T09:03:00.001-07:00

There is a Reiki principle which goes as follows: today I will give thanks for my many blessings. This is hard for me keep in mind for many people, including myself. Many of us want to believe that it’s only a blessing when something is in our favor. Life doesn’t always give us things which we perceive as “in our favor”. If that were so the world would be an incredibly different place and magic probably wouldn’t be necessary. The most we can do is look at everything as a blessing.

In an ideal situation, I could always look at the bad and see how that’s a blessing. I assure you, Reader, I am anything but diligent about that mindset. When I feel like the universe has dealt me a bad hand it’s hard for me to think of those worse than I. I can’t appreciate a roof over my head, food on my table, or even people who love me when there are people who have none of the above. Some of those people are in my own country, some are not. However, I digress and don’t go deep enough with that point. Sometimes what we perceive as negative is a precursor to a more positive thing.

Recently, I have failed to find employment in my new setting. I’m down to my last dollar due to a UTI. I have been very down on myself about this, yet I know there is quite a bit of good coming out of it. My partner, for one, has to bear some of the workload around the house and sees from frustration from it. Plus, this has allowed me to use the tool I have with herbs, essential oils, and Reiki. It has led me to re-examine my health and watch it a bit more closely. I’m getting healthier and better at my spirituality for it.

Rather than looking at things in such a blatant dichotomy, looking at things as its own blessing has led to a greater appreciation in my eyes. Energy, no matter how it manifests, cannot be channeled if it isn’t appreciated. I feel that’s why Mikao Usui had the principle of giving thanks for each blessing. If one views each event as a blessing, that’s energy better channeled and leads to a better level of living.

Today, I give thanks for my many blessings in all forms.

Concerning Power and Empowerment

2009-09-01T14:34:00.000-07:00

I was speaking with a person whom had trouble at their job. They were placed in a position to either endure harassment and threats from management or potentially lose their job.

“They can’t do that, you know,” I replied.

“I know, but I don’t know what to do,” the other person responded.

It somewhat took me back to college. I had a physics course where I habitually arrived early and hung out outside the classroom. Prior to that class was a business ethics course in the same room. One particular instance I listened in to where the teacher lectured about power and what to do in the instance of abuse in the workplace. The teacher made a point which stuck with me to this day: managers really don’t have power unless you give them power.

The concept of empowerment is one of the foundations of magic in my opinion. Nothing we have, including our own bodies, has an ounce of power unless we believe otherwise. Even if someone is truly endowed with some power, what good is it if the person doesn’t believe they have that power? Empowerment is tricky like that sometimes. There are times where the only way a person is empowered is through oneself.

Self-empowerment has been an interesting lesson for me. I don’t always feel empowered whether it’s due to someone’s words, actions, my personal feelings and thoughts, or just because things aren’t going my way. In those times I have to remind myself that I have power within. It’s still an ongoing process, one which isn’t always successful, but sometimes it isn’t about success; it’s about doing.

The “doing” is finally how my conversation ended with that worker in a pickle. I reminded them to actively remember the managers don’t have the right to abuse, nor can it be condoned. I reminded them they can actively seek legal counsel and recourse if necessary. Empowerment leads to action.

Tolerance, Intolerance, and Understanding

2009-08-31T22:41:00.000-07:00

The other week I found myself at a spiritual group meeting (not too bad for just moving, eh?), and I left thinking about the topic that should have been. The topic was about tolerance and the group showed anything but tolerance to anyone who was neither Christian nor a part of certain programs.

When I left I was amused and saddened; amused by the irony, and saddened that a group which spouts tolerance showed otherwise. The more I thought about it the more it bothered me. My thought process focused on the group, then to my part in the intolerance, and then it clicked.

Reader, humans are intolerant by nature. We’ve learned to not allow certain things into our realms, be it actions or thoughts. However this isn’t necessarily an indicator or bad people-it’s one of many ways we set up boundaries for ourselves. It’s those boundaries which allow us to define ourselves. The time intolerance becomes unhealthy is when we use our personal standard as everyone’s standard. As if that weren’t hard enough, finding the balance between the two is ultimately up to the individual- and that’s if it isn’t always changing.

The thoughts led me to focus more on the growing trend of “pagan” events as an “all faiths” event. The aim is meant to foster tolerance for other faiths, but I pondered at what cost. I’ve seen many events which were “all faiths” turn into something where it was pandering to one religion and anything remotely pagan was not accordingly balanced. In the end, it was pagans who did not get to properly define themselves.

Rather than aim for “tolerance” I believe there should be a stronger aim for understanding. I haven’t seen such a thing fully in practice, but I’m willing to hypothesize that tolerance will follow where understanding is fostered in the first place. I suspect with understanding people will find a stronger definition of self in not only their own groups but also celebrate the differences in others. Who knows, maybe a Baptist church will sponsor an “all faith” event when understanding is the key?

End of the Hiatus

2009-08-30T12:55:00.000-07:00

Reader, I assure you I didn't abandon you. After a move and (finally!) acquiring internet again my blog can return to its natural semi-regular postings. I hope to have a post within the next few days for you to think about so return here soon.

Defragmenting

2009-08-02T20:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I defragmented my hard drive, since I had no inspiration to write. Upon the dismal sight of how much defragmenting my hard drive needed I decided to Reiki myself and clear out some negative energy I’ve picked up as of late.

Apart from the negative energy I discovered why I lacked inspiration to write: my solar plexus and throat chakras were blocked. This would explain why I couldn’t express nor organize my thoughts coherently. Just like my poor hard drive, my chakras and energy were neglected.

As I thought about it, I found many similarities to our energy blockages and fragmented files. Even though one deals with information and the other energy, they share a commonality of something scattered all over the place. What I’ve understood of computers is the fragmented files are actually one larger file but with parts of it scattered in other areas, hence why a computer may move slower. My experience of practicing Reiki has shown me it isn’t uncommon for an area to be blocked but another area to have the energy flowing well or even overactive. Defragmenting, just like any energy practice, helps to make things flow a bit more.

I learned quite a bit about my practices and myself with that moment. I found that when we neglect ourselves our body tends to compensate with negative consequences. Clearing them often helps us run so much smoother.

The Hanged Man

2009-06-29T00:32:00.000-07:00

Right now when I think about my life, I can’t help but think of spiritual alchemy. On the most basic level it is a tool for removing all of the impurities in oneself as a way to reach enlightenment. I see much of this happening with the Major Arcana in Tarot. In particular, one of the many cards that represent the “breakdown” process in order to attain something greater (at least in my eyes) is the Hanged Man in the Rider-Waite-Smith deck.

I can understand, Reader, why this is a very odd approach to this card. Waite, as indicated in his Pictoral Key to the Tarot, considers it a card of life on hold. Some consider it an indication of sacrifice or martyrdom. Yet when one looks at plates on alchemy, like The Pretiosa Margarita’s depiction of the murdering of the king, one sees that the “cause of death” so to say is really a part of the putrefication. In other words, there’s a means in which to cause the breaking down of the unnecessary stuff. Moreover Waite considers the Hanged Man to also represent a connection between the Self and the Divine. Such an understanding is why I believe the Hanged Man is a tool for such decomposition.

However, looking at the Hanged Man as a means to a breakdown leads to a few questions in my mind. One such question relies on the connection between life suspended and intermediary between the Divine and Self. If a person wants to have a connection with Divinity should this individual start tearing apart everything he or she has known? I imagine a person who has already entered this phase many times before has already answered for themselves- I ask you, Reader, to rethink your answer. It’s not that an answer is right or wrong, but merely the complexity of the question doesn’t permit for a simple yes or no.

If one believes we must tear ourselves down to the purest Self to reach that contact with divinity, there are other considerations. How much tearing down is necessary? Can one tear down to purify and end up spiritually sterile? If so, is that the purity needed? Even though these questions go on the premise humans aren’t in a state to connect with the Divine in normal circumstances, one cannot overlook the implications in such an answer.

If the answer is “no” another set of questions emerge in my mind, ones more in line with examining human purity. If we, as mortal humans, don’t need to strip down anything in order to purify ourselves, what state are we in that allows for us to connect to the Divine? Rather than subtraction, is adding to ourselves the way in which we purify? Is the purest state when a being is stripped to nothing, just so more pure elements of the universe may be readily added? Even upon answering these questions, the answers aren’t simple polarities.

Honestly, why do we as humans feel the truest way to reach anything like Divinity requires us to strip ourselves of what we know? While I feel most of spiritual alchemy is to provide a ground to foster a stronger understanding of Divinity rather than contact with it (based mainly on my opinion that creatures can connect in this way naturally). Is this why alchemy consists of both addition and subtraction? In my eyes, the answer is yes.

I’ve found the Hanged Man really applies to my life right now in order to foster a better understanding of my world. Like many others, I’ve built myself up with my own knowledge and tools to I can better myself. Right now I see many of these tools rendered useless when applied to my situation at hand. Now, I’m moving to another state without a job or any real plan. I assure you, Dear Reader, I am feeling uneasy about this move. However I know it’s merely a part of my learning process, one which will make me a better person in the end. I know I will find a job down there and my plan will solidify much more. I wish I could say exactly what will happen, but I don’t know every detail. I just know the Universe works in these ways.

Meanwhile I would like to leave you, Dear Reader, with some food for thought if I haven’t already. Do you feel a breakdown process in your life? Do you feel certain that the things falling apart are needed, or can they decompose to leave a better you? How will these changes possibly enhance your connection to the Universe?

Symbology vs. Symbolism

2009-06-17T23:28:00.000-07:00

Today, I meant to put up a post about my interpretation of the Hanged Man card and how I feel it plays into my life right now. Instead I would like to clarify something that grates on my nerves to no end, to which I feel is only shared by a fictional character in a certain movie: the misuse of the word “symbology”.

Symbology is the study of symbols. Now if you are examining the symbols’ origins and cultural significance, it is appropriate to use the word symbology. If, however, you are speaking about a certain type of symbol in a particular culture that’s symbolism.

Symbolism is a system of which certain icons represent something significant to a culture, religion, or whatever group you like. If you wish to talk about the Celtic cross in Irish culture, for example, that would constitute the use of the word symbolism.

Symbology is not symbolism, folks. For the sake of my sanity and to get fewer odd glances from your English teacher, please learn the difference. If in doubt, look at the suffix. The suffix “-ology” denotes a study of something, while “-ism” denotes a system or practice.

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.

A Bit on My Early Years

2009-06-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was reminiscing with my friends about when we started on our respective paths. During that trip down memory lane an anecdote about one of my early life lessons emerged.

Basically, my friend was feeling very down and since she was my roommate I felt it affect the home and myself. I decided to charge some rose quartz, slip it into her pillowcase, and watch as she got better. Everything went well until she approached me one morning about these rocks she found in her pillow. When I came clean, she said something to the effect of, “That’s nice, but I hope you know I flip my pillow. Rocks kinda hurt.” I explained and apologized for causing her harm.

It was a nice lesson about why one shouldn’t cast a spell on another without permission. For me, it wasn’t so much about manipulation as much as inadvertently stoning people.

Insight Tarot Is Coming to Amazon.com

2009-06-01T21:21:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are still looking for a great tarot book, Amazon.com will soon sell Dawn Rothwell's book Insight Tarot.

I personally have read this book, and it has something for everyone regardless of their level. Moreover, it provides some new approaches and thoughts as to why certain attributes are associated with certain cards are as opposed to what those attributes may be. Written by one of the few tarot masters in the Midwest, this is not "just another tarot book".

If you want to check it out beforehand, it's available at lulu.com.

Lesson Cram

2009-05-22T19:11:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting set of life lessons this week. Like many other people, I have to find a job so I may support myself. I ended up as a waitress for a greasy spoon.

Normally, I wouldn’t find working at a greasy spoon fascinating, especially since it was run my people who weren’t apt and dogmatically followed the protocol. These people however conveyed to me in ways they will never understand about the difference between stupidity by choice, learning disability (which isn’t stupidity at all), and ignorance (they just aren’t given the chance to learn).

The last one is of the most importance (and I feel) most complex; the two former are pretty self-explanatory. Some people aren’t given the opportunity to truly live to their potential nor realize they even have potential in the first place. One co-worker grew up in poverty, abused (though he only hinted at this. I grew up in an abusive environment, so I have a pretty decent decoder ring for that lingo and innuendo), and had a very poor education. Between ending up in a halfway house, slight maladjustment, and an inability to hold a relationship by the age of twenty he felt this was a great place to start on the right track. Honestly, this broke my heart. While I’m only a few years older than this guy I know he hasn’t been given a fighting chance. Honestly, I can’t help but wonder if I can help improve people’s education so there are less people like this in our country. Then again, I feel he represents part of a symptom of a very large social problem. The dishonest people treating him like dirt didn’t help either.

These dishonest people led to my second lesson. Long story short, I found out a coworker was stealing my tips before I could even get to the table (which explains why I didn’t have any tips, yet the culprit had a big wad of cash and few tables to show for it). Not only was this downright stealing, but it was earning a living dishonestly. For me, I try to live up to the Reiki principle of earning my living honestly about as much as these people adhere to the franchise’s policies. When this person stole my tips, I realized I couldn’t earn an honest living if the people around me take what I have earned. I left, but I will look back; these lessons are too precious to forget.

Just as one thing (while it most likely won’t manifest) people wish to forget: a senator wants 2010 to be the “Year of the Bible” The only reason I wish to pay attention to such a trifling thing is not out of fear, but because I have to wonder about these people. If one has true faith in their Higher Power, isn’t every year a year of their faith and works thereof? Do they really think such assertions will make everyone believe the way they believe? I know I’m preaching to the choir (no pun intended) about such things, but I always felt such maneuvers equates to the teenager asserting they’re an adult. But after a week of dealing with people such as these I realize they’re afraid. These lawmakers who want this law are afraid of their own lack of faith, afraid of judgment, and afraid of failing themselves. Honestly, I can’t fault them for having those fears, but such fears shouldn't be battled in a public arena.

Wow, what a week!

Oh Boy...

2009-05-10T15:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I have to hang my head when I look at religions today. Very recently, my little sister had her Catholic confirmation. This weekend she received a certificate from Holy Trinity which verified her adherence to the faith. Yes, reader, my little sister is certifiably faithful. Please don’t misunderstand me-I understand the importance of proclamation of one’s faith. However, a certificate implies one has a mastery of skill or skills in order to practice. I cannot understand how faith could be considered a skill.

It brings up a question in my mind about the concept of legitimacy. Even in the Pagan community one can’t escape the “you’re not a real Wiccan unless your coven can trace a lineage back to Gardener”. I’m seeing this mindset lead to not only the canonical orthodoxy of Wicca but also people who are hesitant to admit they are a part of NeoWicca. One particular place where I saw it is an article on Witchvox where it speaks about an alleged Athosian Tradition. What disturbs me the most about this article lies in how the legitimacy is established:

The Athosian Tradition is rooted in the topsoil of British Traditional Witchcraft as handed down by Gardner and Alex Sanders (two of the most known and Primary figures in the Craft) and their traditions. The Tradition was founded, as a means of bringing Traditional Witchcraft to the most hidden and secluded parts of Kentucky, where the founder Atho lives.

It disturbs me immensely how a religion such as Wicca, which people love for the lack of concrete structure, has to establish legitimacy (however loosely) through such means. Now, I am NOT bashing this person’s beliefs; I am simply bashing the idea that something isn’t Wiccan unless it traces back to Gardener somehow. After all, one can easily make a few comparisons with Wicca to the OTO or even The Order of Golden Dawn. However the other two practices did not have a lineage. Instead they had people who came from practices such as Freemasonry accompanied by armchair linguists to translate old texts.

On the other hand, if religions as of late don’t have a certain method of establishing some criteria they run a small risk of anyone claiming anything as legit. While not all cases are extreme it does provoke a question of what should be canonized in many Neopagan religions, should anything be considered standardized at all. I feel these religions may start to solidify and create a standard. There may be, in addition to a set structure for Wicca, an actual schism in my lifetime.

I wonder if I'll have to have a certficate to validate my faith when that happens.

Another Life Lesson

2009-05-06T14:55:00.000-07:00

Today I had a wonderful thing happen: my iPod has more or less come back to life. I fully understand this is a superficial and incredibly materialistic token, but there was a lesson and (at least to me) something quite close to a miracle.

The story behind my iPod’s “death”, so to say, started a couple of months ago. I decided, after perusing the awful selection that was “water” and soda, to grab a soda to drink on my way home. After a few sips I put the drink in my bag. When I got home, thanks to shoddy design of the cap and neck, my soda hadn’t closed all the way and I thus destroyed my cellphone and iPod. Truly, I was devastated; my cellphone was my only connection to the outside world while my iPod was my way of drowning it out. The cellphone was easily replaced (luckily, a part of me isn’t so materialistic that I need bells and whistles on a cellphone), but the iPod was not.

In the time I spent trying to find a replacement and the endless frustration of trying to replace an obsolete device, I went back to my cd’s. After getting frustrated with constantly digging through cd’s I decided to just cope with the sounds around me. In that, I learned new skills and things about myself.

I started to realize I was drowning out everything in my life. My music, which I originally clung to as a rock, became the very thing which drowned me. I forgot to listen to the sounds of clicking bugs, chirping songbirds, crying blue jays, and other audible life around me. I was even drowning myself out by denying myself this connection. When I realized what I was missing, the urge to get out more stirred within me. I realized I was missing life returning both figuratively and literally. Heck, even bees were making a comeback in the area! If they can do it, why shouldn’t I?

I learned a valuable few lessons about myself. I placed too much worth on an expensive paperweight, and it cost me tuning out my life. I got caught up in the materialism and consumerism. Luckily, I came to my senses. Now that my iPod is working again (while it’s most likely due to the soda drying out, I want to attribute it to supernatural events. After all, we are talking about Apple products here) I find myself not concerned with the need for a new battery. Instead, I find myself content with its limited use. It gives me a chance to enjoy the sounds I missed.

Simplicity

2009-04-28T18:30:00.000-07:00

Today, I started a long overdue cleaning. I’ve started clearing out candles I don’t need (namely via Reiki and spells), and now I’m going through the stones I’ve rarely (if ever) used. Of course, that’s a task within itself since I’ve been materialistic enough to fill a decent sized box. Honestly, though, I can’t help but think I’ve used that much stuff to fill a void I either don’t want to deal with or simply “win” via the most toys.

Whatever my reason, I suspect I’m trying to compensate. That means I have to do some spring-cleaning in my head. Honestly, I feel this is an area I tend to neglect the most. It’s one of the reasons I’m a big advocate of meditation: even if someone doesn’t feel any sort of connection to a Higher Power or to the powers around them, it is still a tool to clear one’s head. In that clearing I’ve found I get the best moments of clarity.

It reminds me of the phrase I saw bouncing around: live simply so others may simply live. When I first saw it I’ll admit it I thought it was trite. As my studies into the occult progressed, however, I noticed that simple living didn’t just apply to material simplicity. I learned it was about taking advantage of the lovely day and walking through the park, laughing with some close friends, forgetting about the crud from yesterday. Living simply was, well, enjoying the simple things in life. When one lives in that kind of simplicity, others are able to live simply too. In fact, I found simplistic living to be quite contagious.

I also found simplistic living, when it permeates through other aspects of one’s life, truly leads to a peaceful life. I, too, would like to move away from the petty drama and hustle and bustle of the 24/7 lifestyle. Unfortunately we’ve taught ourselves to focus solely on the material in order to abandon it, which in itself is quite a materialistic paradox. But I digress…

Simplicity is one of the many tools of the individual. I still have to remind myself it isn’t just having the least amount of toys-rather, it’s more about cleaning up the messes in every form of my life. The void I created in any aspect of my life most likely originates from overcomplicating things. If I look at it and simplify, I’m sure the rest will fall into place.

Remember, reader, to live simply.

"Tell Me How to Believe"

2009-04-27T18:58:00.000-07:00

I’ve noticed on more and more forums where people new to even learning about a certain religion immediately after leaving another. Needless to say, this growing trend bothers me immensely. However, I do not blame people who do that; after leaving Christianity I found myself trying to immediately replace that gap with another religion. I decided on Wicca, which I found didn’t work for me. I found myself back at square one.

Looking back, I learned a lesson in that: don’t be afraid of the void that remains after leaving a religion. In fact, it should be the best time for anyone to figure out what they truly believe. This is where one can sit back, reflect on what worked or didn’t work for their religion. This is a time where one can find out why you believed a certain way and if it still works now. In other words, it’s time to do some soul searching.

Honestly, trying to decide what one truly believes can be very scary. Sometimes, it means admitting to ourselves something society teaches us contrary. Sometimes it can take months, even years to really find out what someone’s inner self truly believes. Some people are willing to do that, others aren’t.

When a few of my friends became atheist, they had searched long and hard and tried a couple of religions before reaching this decision. After some soul searching, they decided they were atheists because of how they felt about religion and they didn’t need that means for that end. It felt right to them; it wasn’t pretty taking the long way, but they found out what they believe. I’ve found people who discovered they were agnostic through almost the same way- the only difference is they decided there wasn’t a name for the Higher Power after the soul searching.

At the same time, I’ve found people who have done this soul-searching and discovered they were agnostic. There are also those who chose not to name their religious path. For some time, I did not put a name to my religion until I discovered reconstructionism. Some people never put a name to their religion. I’m not sure how often one considers that decision, but I feel it is the wisest when one immediately leaves a religion.

In other words, don’t immediately try to find another religion. Instead, reader, you should concentrate on what you truly believe inside. I can’t guarantee the answers will come instantly, but they will feel right when they come. Then, should you find a religion which intrigues you, you are equipped with some tools to see if you should even try such a faith. After all, nothing is more assuring in faith than an understanding of oneself.

Stone of the Day #3

2009-04-22T15:29:00.000-07:00

Apophylite

This listing IS NOT comprehensive.

This stone contains platinum, though its quartz-like appearance seems counter-intuitive of this. Associated with the crown chakra, this stone works (based on UPG) by calming the mind and enhancing one’s meditation experience. It also allows one to contact the spirit world.

If one is dealing with a cluster of this stone, I’ve found it is best to cleanse it through sunlight. Otherwise, this stone can be cleansed with energy work or through salt water (though I wouldn't see why you couldn't clean individual stones with sunlight).

Advice on Finding a Reiki Teacher

2009-04-20T18:33:00.000-07:00

My mind has wandered today to the topic of Reiki masters. It isn’t because of anything truly phenomenal- I’ve just noticed when I talk about Reiki someone chimes in to the effect of how they want to learn it.

While, at this time, I’m not teaching Reiki I’d thought I’d give some pointers so people may find the best teacher possible:

Like any other teacher, check their credentials. In Reiki, this is determined by a lineage. Every Reiki master will have a lineage, so if you request one and they don’t supply it for any reason beware! While examining the lineage, make a point to research the particular Reiki which they practice. Most internet searches will reveal who most of the key masters are in the lineage. If the provided Reiki lineage doesn’t trace back to Mikao Usui or some of the masters are left out, it is best to look elsewhere.

This isn’t to say, however, the Reiki practice in question will have the exact same people for every person. That is why it’s essential to find out who are the ones who need to show up in the particular Reiki lineage.

Also, it should be noted that not all energy practices are Reiki practices. Reading the service offered, therefore, is essential if you want specifically Reiki.

Find out how long the teacher has practiced and taught Reiki. Some people find this important, some don’t. I have run into fellow practitioners who have practiced much longer than I have and have much more knowledge and experience. I’ve also run into people who have practiced for a shorter time than I have and have more knowledge and experience than I have. If you find it important and the master doesn’t supply this then ask.

Ask questions about the particular Reiki you want to learn. This, of course, will ultimately depend upon research into the particular Reiki you want to learn. However, there are some basic questions one can ask:

· What is the history of this particular Reiki?

· How does this form of Reiki work?

· How is this system set up?

· Is this system of Reiki geared towards a particular faith or deity?

These basic questions also lead up to one of the most vital points in looking for a Reiki

teacher:

Find a Reiki teacher who best fits your learning style. This may be the hardest part of all the tips I give. This also means asking questions about a teacher’s teaching style.From my experience some teachers will simply attune then hand over a manual, some attune then teach in a lesson format, and some will only attune when you fully understand the material. If the teacher in question can’t teach in a way suitable for your lifestyle, naturally you need to look elsewhere to find a teacher.

If nothing else, I hope some of these tips help provide some groundwork for those who are currently searching for a Reiki teacher. Only you can truly decide how to look for the right Reiki teacher and who is best suited to teach you the energy system.

How Will You Live Your Life?

2009-04-18T19:58:00.000-07:00

About the middle of this week I found myself stuck. After doing something like a prayer (I shall go into that ritual another day), I received my answer to help me get out of this rut. After a slew of dreams where charlatans constantly appear, Starhawk’s demand for an apology , and the otherwise peaceful day I came to a realization. Actually, it was a few realizations: the intentions of following a certain path, the intentions of an apology, and the intentions of living a full life.

The first question is one that, I feel, applies to every religion and spiritual path. Why does one follow any religious or spiritual path? Is it simply what makes sense? When your understanding of the Higher Power or how one interacts changes, do you abandon the belief altogether? Obviously, the questions are oversimplistic to the point of absurdity but one needs these reminders every so often. One particular incident in mind was a pagan I met who professed to follow the path for years. Long story short, when a few friends and I included him in a casual pagan conversation he could not contribute because he knew nothing. Later, these same friends and I discovered he never even cracked open a book to learn about paganism. This person was the inspiration for my term, “party pagan”; they are only pagans in public.

However, I’m uncertain of the growing group of “armchair pagans”. These are the people who study extensively the ancient practices (or to the best of our knowledge of the ancient practices) yet never practice in their lives. I haven’t run into an alarming amount, but from what I’ve observed these individuals are so concerned with their practices containing academically sound ground they forget to practice. While it is only my opinion I feel either approach provides what happens when someone lives on both ends of the religious spectrum.

This thought also led me to the idea of forgiveness and restitution. Starhawk’s recent demand, while met with many points I won’t repeat, needs another point written in: There are many times where people face injustice. I have been called many things while on my spiritual and religious paths. I even endured harassment. Sometimes, I’ve had some justice and people have apologized for their comments. Sadly, reprimands such as these are very rare, even rarer are the kind which happen to the actual victimized generation. It’s simply a fact of life. Rather than focusing so much on reprimands, I’ve found it’s more productive to go about my life and educate in little ways.

And that’s the hardest thing: to simply live my life with goodness. Even recently I got into a fight with my significant other, yet we managed to work things out and hear where we still need work as people and a couple. I have to remember, with all of my decisions, with all that I’ve faced, I will face more and keep a smile.

After all, can one truly live life if all they do is hide or fight?

Stone of the Day #2

2009-04-10T16:49:00.000-07:00

Please bear in mind these listings ARE NOT comprehensive.

Apatite

This stone, which is a combination of fluorine, chlorine, and hydroxyls, ranges in color from blue to green. The chemical which is most dominant indicates the color. UPG indicates this stone is helpful in healing, especially of emotional issues. Because of both its color and uses this stone is associated with the heart and throat chakras via UPG.

All methods suitable for cleansing stones are acceptable with this stone.